


Uncover Me Now

by orbitthefan



Series: soulmates au [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Haseul and Yeojin are sisters, Light Angst, Soulmates, Soulmates AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-02-08 18:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18628555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orbitthefan/pseuds/orbitthefan
Summary: It has always been cold to Jungeun wherever she goes.lipsoul soulmates au wherein temperature gets hotter when your soulmate is near. Jungeun, being a rebel to the heavens, is friends with haseul and jiwoo, those she have dated before, and her current girlfriend is heejin. she never cared much about soulmates. until one date, she sensed something else.





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> 2018 ages! international ages alsooo (ps it was hard writing this, i researched a lot abt korea ajfjsjds) comment! or send anything on my cc @kjungeuns and find me on twt @orbitthefan enjoy luvssss

Jungeun was too young when she first learned about how soulmates work, but she never cared. Her friends would try to joke around and pretend they found theirs, but Jungeun just shrugs them off, her decision to live without a soulmate is firm, with dating anyone she likes.  
            She was 15 when she first dated a classmate named Jiwoo, but as every middle school first love's fate, it didn't work out. Jiwoo became her best friend, though. They both agreed to breaking up a few months after dating, and Jiwoo wasn't the type to avoid someone if they don't annoy her. It was weird at first, but they both know that they don't work for each other, and the awkwardness just turned into friendship.  
            At 17, she met Haseul, a first year college student at a university near her high school. Just like what happened with Jiwoo, they broke up, became friends, and their past relationship never bothered them. It's like they knew all along that trying to date someone when you know soulmates exists is just, well, never going to work out.  
            She was a freshman at the same university Haseul goes to when Heejin, a high school student she met, started showing her feelings for Jungeun. So Jungeun gave her a try. She loves how the girl makes her heart thump faster than it usually does. Heejin gave her a new feeling, and when she told this to her friends, they said maybe she found her soulmate. Jungeun shrugged them off, she never felt warm anyway.  
            Until one date, she sensed something else.  


* * *

  
  
            "Jungeun, let's go." Heejin grabbed her flannel she uses to cover her slightly revealing black crop top. As she was getting her black sling bag, Heejin noticed that Jungeun didn't move an inch. She frowned.  
            "Ya, Kim Jungeun," Heejin looked confusedly at her partner, but Jungeun seems like she didn't hear anything. "Jungeun... Sweetie... Ya, Kim Jungeun? Snap out of it." Heejin repeatedly called her girlfriend with an attempt of getting the girl's attention, but Jungeun has her eyes fixated on the chopsticks she was holding. Heejin sighed, then held Jungeun's shoulder.  
            "O-oh. What were you saying?" Jungeun suddenly says, her voice screams panic. She quickly fumbled through her bag, searching for something. Her eyes turned to Heejin afterwards, but Heejin just smiled.  
            "It's okay, don't panic. I was just saying we should go already?" Jungeun nodded and stood up from her seat, her left hand wrapped around her phone while the other was holding her bag. Panic rising through her chest even more, but at the same time, a soothing feeling calms her whole body. I must be mistaken, Jungeun thought.  
            Jungeun looked at Heejin, who smiled very reassuringly to her. So Jungeun pushed her thoughts and doubts aside. She went to Heejin with a smile and clung onto the girl's arm. It must just be Heejin, maybe that's how soulmates actually work.  
            Or not.  
  
Jungeun sighed in defeat as she tossed around her shoes in front of their dorm. She was tired, both mentally and physically. Her mind didn't stop thinking about the warm feeling she felt at the restaurant earlier. Something isn't right. She loved the feeling, but it didn't last.  
            "This ain't it," she sighed again, a little too tired to even think about the mess her housemates made.  
            "Wow wow... Guys! Come here, there's a miracle!"  
            "Sooyoung, stop or I'll make you eat that moldy food you left at the table." Jungeun sat at the couch and sighed again. A few seconds in and her 4 friends are huddled around her.  
            "Why am I even getting concerned about it?" Jungeun thought, hugging a throw pillow thrown by Vivi on her lap. "Ya, that must be serious, she's not cleaning," the oldest whispered to Sooyoung.  
            Haseul, however, had her eyebrows knitted at her friend's state.  
            "What do you mean by it?" Haseul asked, slowly sitting beside Jungeun who had her head buried on a pillow. The taller lifted her head up and looked at Haseul, then to Sooyoung. Haseul gave her a curious look.  
            "Are you sick?" Jiwoo said, pouting behind Vivi. Jungeun shook her head, then buried herself on the pillow again. Her friends, worried, sat around her, staring. "What's gotten into you?" Sooyoung slightly punched her friend's knee, hoping it would make her at ease. Jungeun, however, just sighed again.  
            "You guys messed up the house real bad." Everyone must've understood what she meant because they started to stand up and go back to their own rooms. Jungeun buried her head again on the pillow. Sooyoung, however, tapped her shoulders before getting up.  
            "If you need help, I'm at our room."  
  
By the next morning, the whole house was then again clean, a small note was all that Vivi could see posted on their clipboard. "At the library, lip."  
            With stacks of books and a gray laptop on the table, Kim may be seen as someone who works hard for the finals, but in reality...  
            "Oh baby baby I can't sleep~" Jungeun sinked into her seat, giving up on her work. Her mind wandered off to her girlfriend she hasn't talked to ever since the moment they got separated at dinner last night. Then she remembered how she felt warm, so, unbelievably warm. It was after Heejin said she loves her, with this in thought, Jungeun thought she just found her soulmate. It was... incredibly comfortable, and she hasn't felt it in a life time. She'd never felt it. You only got to feel it once you got old enough, though, 18, and Jungeun had played with feelings even then. She has loved a couple of people before. Jungeun doesn't think soulmates really matter.  
            Jungeun hugged herself, getting comfortable in her seat. If that's how having soulmates feel, she'll clearly want it. She feels so cold, so numb, so devoid of empty. She so wanted to feel warm.  
            Until she did again. That exact moment she was hugging herself. She was even falling asleep, dreaming of the feeling of being warm, until the warmth felt so real it sting her heart. Jungeun jolted. It was never supposed to sting, but it did. And now she's more aware of how hot it is. What is that?  
            It hurt her. She looked around, wanting find anyone, someone she knew. At this point, Jungeun was desperate to find even a glimpse of hair of her girlfriend, or friend, or anyone just as disoriented as her. She was frantic, and the more she looked, the more it stung.  
            Her soulmate was near, and she can't find anyone.  
            A tap on her shoulder shook Jungeun up. "Are you okay?" A tall girl asked the same time the door of the library closed, and the feeling stopped, almost as if the black haired girl cut the connection all by herself. There was a faint tug at her heart. Jungeun stared at the tall girl, eyes desperate, and then went out of the library. She ran, not knowing what was outside. The not so cold breeze of September hit Jungeun. The warmth left her, and she's all alone again in this cold, harsh world.  
            "Hey, why did you run like that? Was something wrong?" Jungeun turned around to face the speaker, the same tall girl who snapped her out of it awhile ago. Jungeun gulped.  
            "I—there was something I was finding. I'm okay. Thank you." Why did she run like that? Why did she feel so affected from the warmth? She shook her head. She wasn't going after someone just because it is her soulmate. What was even the purpose of soulmates in this world?  
            Jungeun rushed inside the library again, sitting on her chair in front of her mountain of works. She was startled when the tall girl sat right in front of her.  
            "I'm Kim Hyunjin. I'm a high school student here." The tall girl introduces herself, holding out her hand. Jungeun looked at her, a confused expression vivid on her face. She held out her hand, nonetheless, and shook Hyunjin's. "Oh, right. Uh, Kim Jungeun, first year, studying biology."  
            Jungeun looked funny. Hyunjin chuckled, reaching out to fix Jungeun's hair. "You definitely need to fix yourself, Jungeun-ssi."  
            "Uh, thanks." There was a moment of silence, and Jungeun started to grow uncomfortable. Her hand was tapping the table in a fast rhythm, indicating how panicked she was. She looked straight at Hyunjin, only to find out that the girl has started to read one of her books.  
            Jungeun was going to say something to the stranger when another girl approached them.  
            "Hey, Jungeun, what are you thinking, going out here at 8 in the morning?" Jungeun blinked, and suddenly Sooyoung was in front of her. Not that Jungeun hates it, she actually was relieved to see Sooyoung, but it has been a crazy morning and Jungeun wasn't up for anything stressful.  
            "Oh, Sooyoung!" Hyunjin, surprised, turned around and hugged the newcomer. Hyunjin was happy the oldest came, at least she got someone she knew. Jungeun was, well, confused.  
            "Okay I'll fill you up with your questions later. What are you doing here?" Sooyoung spoke, sitting beside Jungeun who was still confused as ever. "I—nothing. Jiwoo and I were creating a song together, I went out to finish it. Why?"  
            "You totally forgot about the kids coming over." Jungeun immediately looked at Sooyoung, wide eyed. "What are they gonna do?" Sooyoung flipped through the open book sitted beside Jungeun's laptop before looking at her. Then Sooyoung shrugged, about to get up when Jungeun held her hand.  
            "Are they all coming over?"  
            "There's no way you clearly forgot about it."

And suddenly, Jungeun and Sooyoung was in front of their house, with Hyunjin coming over because definitely Sooyoung invited her over. Sooyoung filled Jungeun up on how she knew Hyunjin and how the younger are also friends with Haseul and Vivi. Soon enough, Jungeun finds herself in the middle of a friends' reunion. How small can the world be?  
            When the kids came over, Jungeun found herself stuck on watching Haseul and Yeojin banter.  
            "Jiwoo, tell me how we became friends with Haseul's sister."

            "Jungie, just want you to know that we're friends with Yeojin's friends."  
            Jungeun was messaging her girlfriend when she felt someone poke her from her side, taking a peek on her phone. Jungeun jumped off her seat. "So, you're dating this new girl named Heekkie."  
            Jungeun's eyes rolled, "Whatever, Yeojin."  
            "Is she older than you? What year is she in?"  
            "Not your business, kid."  
            "She's definitely younger. Is she on 10th grade? Don't tell me she's my age. People on my high school are crazy, they play around people and date twos at a time. Definitely not their soulmates." But then Hyejoo and Yerim came over, slapping Yeojin's thigh before sitting across from Jungeun.  
            "I don't date kids, Yeojin." And then Jungeun left Yerim and Hyejoo laughing at Yeojin screaming she's not a kid.  
  
Jungeun was holding a cup of coffee while facing her laptop at a cafe near their house when her phone beeped. Jungeun's heart thumped faster seeing her girlfriend's name on screen, but her expression changed when she read the message. "Can't come today, Chae's sick."  
            I mean, waiting for your girlfriend on a cafe because you set a meet up but getting ditched at the same day because your girlfriend's roommate is sick, it's normal right? Or not, Jungeun thought. She sighed, opening her thesis file and reading it. She doesn't have to worry about it, Heejin's just always caring for other people. Her girlfriend just loves helping every people she met. Heejin is a sweet girl, Jungeun thought.  
            Jungeun groaned in frustration. She can't focus reviewing her thesis with the Heejin thought. A nice project plus an overthinking mind, what a complete package. And then she was falling into it, actually revising the whole thing. She reached out for the coffee she bought minutes ago, but none poured on her mouth. Jungeun sighed, the empty feeling starting to creep up again. She looked outside, being seated right by the window, looking at the passersby rushing. Jungeun saw a couple, remembering how Heejin was supposed to be there with her.  
            And then something tugged at her heart again. It stings, the empty feeling leaving her, giving her the warmth she craved. But here's the catch, it becomes warmer, then warmer and even warmer Jungeun doesn't think it's possible to feel it. She's getting more aware of her surroundings, her right leg going up and down repeatedly. Jungeun looked around; she doesn't like the feeling of this heat. It's burning her. She thought of Heejin, of how she should've been with her only to feel this heat, but there were no signs of Heejin. As soon as Jungeun thought of Heejin, however, the feeling became a lot warmer.  
            How did this even happen?

            Jungeun fought the urge of finding someone. What was the point? She knew nothing about the whole soulmate thing. She silently cursed. Like, "Hello, Universe, I didn't pay just to fucking find someone I have definitely no idea of," one. But Jungeun shifted on her seat, and then she stood up, muttering a curse under her breath.  
            "Where the fuck are you?"  
            "You okay?" Except when the feeling stopped again. It went away, fading, almost immediately gone after she turned around to see Hyunjin smiling at her. Jungeun thought it was funny. One, because it's the second time around this has happened to her. And two, because there’s a whole ass Kim Hyunjin is smiling to her like they've been friends for 10 years. Jungeun sighed mentally, before smiling and waving back at her. Jungeun started to think it was a really funny coincidence.  
            Except it's been a month, and Hyunjin's showing up in front of her almost everytime she went out.  
  
"Fuck."  
            "Okay but there's actually no reason for you to be saying that out of nowhere right in the middle of dinner, Jungeun." Jungeun looked up from her plate to Haseul, her eyes showing tiredness while Haseul's showed the 'what-the-fuck' emotion. Sooyoung made a mental note from Haseul's side to kidnap the kid before sleeping.  
            But Jungeun surprised Sooyoung and Haseul that night, with Sooyoung practically pinning Haseul on the wall near her bed while grabbing Haseul's ass. Haseul pushed Sooyoung to her side immediately when she heard the door creaked while Sooyoung bumped her head on the double decker bed, sitting on the bottom bed after. Jungeun had her eyes fixated on the ground with her shoulders down, not seeing the disaster Haseul and Sooyoung was in.  
            "Fuck my life, Seul." Sooyoung rolled her eyes at Jungeun, "Yeah, I'm gonna fuck up your life later just wait." Haseul stomped at Sooyoung's feet afterwards before going to Jungeun and making her sit beside Sooyoung.  
            "What's up?" Sooyoung asked, her left hand holding the part that bumped onto the bed.  
            "It's kind of... sudden and I know—believe me, I know I said that I don't really care about it and that I can live by myself without it but it seriously, like, it seriously has been bugging me and it's just, I don't know, it's getting me crazy and I don't really know why I'm feeling this—"  
            "Okay maybe you can start by shutting up and talking real slowly and being direct to the point," Haseul pinched Sooyoung's ears, making the older yell in pain after cutting Jungeun who was really close to breaking down. Jungeun looked at the both of them, and Haseul can only sit by Jungeun's other side and hug her.  
            "How did you find each other?" Jungeun tapped her fingers on her knee. She was counting the number her fingers had to touch her knee when Sooyoung touched her hands, easing Jungeun. "It was kind of funny, you know." Sooyoung started, chuckling at the thought of their first meeting before laying down the bed with her feet dangling. "It was last year when we all first met, right? You were coming here for a tour around the campus and for some reasons I was also there with your group. I mean, I was shifting my course, remember? And we were both there for admissions. Then something in me knew that my soulmate is there at the exact same place."  
            "Yeah, and I was silently freaking out because it suddenly felt really warm when it was freezing inside the admission office." Jungeun looked up at Haseul, "Does it make you chase someone?" Haseul thought of it before rolling her eyes at Sooyoung. "I don't really want to feed Soo's ego but it makes you chase someone."  
            "Why? Have you seen yours? Is he somewhere we know?" Jungeun chuckled a bit before sighing.  
            "It's just confusing. I don't know where my soulmate is but he or she is definitely near me and I can always feel it," Jungeun looked at the both of them. "You know I see you two as lucky people, right? You found each other, perfect. Unlike me who always craves for the warmth. Like, I know I just started to feel it, started to get how it works, I just turned 18, but I just really want to feel warm. I'm so tired of feeling this empty again. And now, I have a girlfriend I love so much, but then this fucking soulmate thing is fucking everything up. It's hurting me. It hurts." Haseul hugged Jungeun tighter, while the younger immediately wiped the tears trickling down her face.  
            "It doesn't even have to sting, right? But it hurts so much. I just want to love Heejin, I love Heejin, but this whole soulmate thing is starting to mess it. I just want to be happy, Haseul. Why can't I be?"  
  
And maybe it was the exhaustion, because Jungeun slept so soundly that night.  
            "Maybe it is because she is defying fate. There's a reason we have soulmates, alright Seul?" Sooyoung answered Haseul's question about why it burns Jungeun, hugging her girlfriend behind the back.  
            "But I hope she knows this, you know? She just asks for it, craves for it, but she's never good at waiting games." Haseul interlaced her fingers with Sooyoung's, resting her head on the taller's shoulders.  
           "As if you never got a partner before me, I can totally count them, there's like Minjun, Jian, Woobin, then Jungeun—"  
            "Cut it! The first three were never my boyfriends, I just liked them!" Haseul ended up punching Sooyoung playfully in her arms.  
  
"Okay, beats me. Let's go before anyone else sees us."  
            Jungeun couldn't help but be frozen on her seat while staring at the two girls walking down the alley, her bus starting to move. One girl has blonde locks, intertwining her hands with another girl who has a wavy black hair. Jungeun kept on looking, staring, waiting until the black haired girl feels the eyes staring at her, but the girl couldn't care about anything else in the world.  
            Jungeun had her window down, listening to the chatter of the crowd on the waiting area, to the cars passing by, and most importantly, to the girls a few meters away from her joining the crowd beside the bus. The blonde chuckled, hugging the dark haired, "Okay! Should we go this bus or wait for the next, Heekkie?"  
            Heejin smiled at the smaller, "Let's go wait for the next, Chae. This bus is full."  
            Jungeun sighed, but she was stubborn. She kept on waiting, holding onto something she has no idea of. She stared plainly, no emotions vivid on her face. The bus started to go run slowly, and Jungeun was rolling her window, then the bus went off.  
            Heejin looked at all of Chaewon, but the text message Jungeun sent was left delievered. Heejin never knew Jungeun was there.  
            Jungeun's gaze never left the window, not quite paying attention to where she is, her mind in the dark. Jungeun was thinking of the worse, with Heejin barely showing up to her for the past month, Jungeun's mind was left with hundreds of thoughts she can't quite organize. Jungeun's thought lingered on the memories of how soft Heejin's hug has been to her, can she live without it? No, she shook her head. For the past seven months of them dating, Jungeun felt like heaven. It was magic, lasting eight months. Jungeun's past relationships never reached the third month, but with Heejin, it felt like forever. She sniffed, quickly realizing she hasn’t torn her gaze from the window. Warmth filling up her eyes, Jungeun tried to prevent it from coming but failed. Jungeun felt unusually colder, emptier, hollower. She knew she had to make a decision like this, but she did not think it would come soon. She loves Heejin.  
            And that's where the day got worse for her, because as soon as she thought of this, the bus stopped, with a cluster of people either finding their way in or getting out of the bus. And then, she became warm. The feeling is not the simple warm that a summer heat gives you, it starts in your heart. It makes you feel full, but Jungeun's only made her feel pain. Trying to look for Hyunjin among the group, which had always shown up whenever she feels this way, Jungeun was frantic. The urge was too much, she couldn't sit still. Instead, she immediately stood up, trying to work her way into the front, squeezing into the standing people. "Excuse me! Excuses, please." But having made to the front didn't make Jungeun's search easier. Hyunjin was nowhere near her.  
            And then, Jungeun's eyes found a golden haired girl staring with worried eyes at her way. There was a tug at Jungeun's heart. It wasn't faint, and it's painful.  
  
"Definitely your soulmate." Haseul munched the cookie she took at Sooyoung's plate, resting her head on the older's thigh. Sooyoung nodded, exclaiming, "You better find that girl again."  
            "Find? What find? Guys, haven't you like, remembered that I've been feeling this for a month and Hyunjin was always there?" Jungeun sat up straight to look at the both of them. "Isn't she like, the girl I should be looking for?"  
            "Not if she kept on cutting the feeling," Sooyoung said. Jungeun sighed, "I really didn't sign up for this."  
            Haseul nudged Sooyoung, who was busy browsing the television, mouthing "Heejin" with wide eyes. Sooyoung returned a rather confused look at the other.  
            "You both look silly," Haseul and Sooyoung quickly turned their heads to the youngest, straining their neck. "Aw," Sooyoung held her nape and looked at Haseul with judging eyes. Haseul sighed.  
            "What do you do with Heejin?" Jungeun looked at the ceiling, laying down in the carpet on their living room. "I don't know how to do it." Haseul and Sooyoung just looked pitifully at the kid.  
  
"You might want a help with doing that," Jungeun looked up to the girl walking up to her. It was Heejin, with her flawless choice of outfits. It was a random Saturday of October, barely starting, and Heejin wanted to meet Jungeun in a park they always go to. Of course, Jungeun agreed, missing Heejin was quite hard for her. Jungeun memorized the way Heejin's hair flew when the cold wind hits her, the way Heejin smiled, Jungeun attempted to memorize Heejin's soft features in front of her, including how their surroundings looked today. Jungeun stared at Heejin's beautiful eyes, her heart thumping a lot faster than it ever did in front of the girl. Jungeun had always loved how Heejin's eyes sparked cheerfulness, although today showcased something 360 degrees different.  
            When Jungeun did not speak, Heejin grabbed the bottle the older has been holding. She opened it with ease, handing it back immediately to Jungeun before sitting beside her at the bench. Jungeun realized she might have stared a bit longer than she intended to, and cleared her throat. "It's a bit chilly sitting here like this, don't you think?"  
            Heejin huffs, a mist forming in her breath because of the cold. "Let's take a walk, shall we?" Jungeun nodded, standing up as soon as Heejin did.  
            The walk went on for a few minutes, no one dares to say anything. As they walk, Jungeun tried to interlace her hand through Heejin's, but she couldn't. It doesn't make sense. It continued, until Heejin broke the silence. It has never been this quiet when the two were together. "I wonder how you've been, Jungeun," Heejin looks up to Jungeun after avoiding her eyes most of the time, but the latter couldn't get herself to look at Heejin. Jungeun tried to slow down, tried to answer, tried to utter even a few words but to no avail. It just doesn't make sense. Suddenly, Jungeun stops.  
            "If you want to say something, do it." The bitterness in Jungeun's voice made Heejin frozen, but she composed herself quickly, trying to look at Jungeun in the eye. The older found the trees interesting, however, and actively avoids the younger. When Heejin doesn't talk, Jungeun pushed herself one more time. "You know, I can't understand what you're implying right now."  
            "Jungeun, please."  
            "The more I walk with you, the more I get confused. You want to tell me something, right? Don't keep me in the dark." Jungeun managed to take a look at Heejin, and all she sees is Heejin's eyes. Heejin's eyes that are filled with guilt, with regret, with sadness, and pity. Why is she looking like that? Jungeun's insides were giving up, but she kept herself intact. Heejin fumbled to hold both of Jungeun's hands, opening and closing her mouth as if she was hesitating.  
            "Stop looking at me like that," Jungeun said, and suddenly Heejin's hands were wrapped around Jungeun's middle. The latter felt her turtleneck getting wet, but she did not care. Jungeun was stiff as a stone, staring at the nothingness. She couldn't quite believe it was happening, she thought she could prolong it. But it wasn't just her in this relationship, she forgot Heejin must have had a say in this.  
            Finally, Heejin released Jungeun, stepped back by a foot and said, "Let's end this."  



	2. ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungeun's broken, cold, empty, thus she always seeks for love.
> 
> But she's willing to do anything just to get her soulmate out of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, I made a research abt this. So 2018=Jungeun is 20 (legal age in korea), but technically she just turned 19 (international age). I hate this system ugh. Also Lip’s brunette. enjoy!

“She’s been moping all day long; I don’t know what to do!” Jiwoo whispered to the girls surrounding Jungeun and Sooyoung’s door. She gently closed the door behind her and gestured for them to take a sit at the living area.  
            “Sooyoung, are you sure she didn’t wake up last night to get food?” Vivi poked Sooyoung who was stretching her neck like a giraffe in order to monitor the stairs if Jungeun had left their room or not. Sooyoung shook her head, “She stayed in her sleeping position all night long. Besides, I would’ve heard the door close.”  
            “We’re dead if she won’t stop doing that.”  
            “I don’t even know how to cheer her up anymore, Haseul.” Jiwoo said, the others not used to seeing her down.  
            “Why did they break up, though?” Vivi asked, clearly curious about what happened yesterday with the two of them. Jiwoo shrugged, looking at the other two. “Do you know something?”  
            Sooyoung looked at Haseul, eyeing her as if telling something through looks. Haseul rolled her eyes, “Jungeun loves Heejin, so much that she was ready to defy the universe and this soulmate thing. I know what you are implying but please let’s not put it that way. She wasn’t the one who ended it because of this soulmate, I’m sure of that. Besides, she’s 19 already, dating someone who will be coming of age in a few days won’t do her good.”  
            All of a sudden there was a muffled sound upstairs, and then everyone just found themselves rushing upstairs, onto Jungeun’s room. Haseul was the first to get one there, opening the room only to see Jungeun picking up a few envelopes. The first time they saw her moved for a day. Haseul stared for a few seconds, but immediately came to help Jungeun pickup the papers. Clearly, it was Heejin’s. Vivi was disappointed. But what was disturbing is the way Jungeun couldn’t open her eyes fully as it was too puffy, the way her hair looked so messy, the way her skin looked pale, the way Jungeun does not, in any way, look like herself. Jiwoo was mad. They all looked at Jungeun pitifully. And Jungeun hated it.

The next day after attending classes, however, they were all taken aback by Jungeun’s desire to finish a whole project and a few essays. The four didn’t know what to do.  
            “Keep her working and she’s gonna get herself in the hospital in a few days,” Vivi muttered quietly, enough for her friends to hear, rolling her eyes and sitting beside Haseul. Haseul pinched Vivi’s arm because of it, “If you don’t stop that, you’ll be the one sent to the hospital.” Vivi eyed her because of it, “I’m just saying the truth.”  
           “And if she hadn’t dated Heejin, she wouldn’t be like that. If Jungeun wanted to defy the universe, Heejin’s a playgirl,” Vivi added, her voice getting louder as if trying to prove a point. Sooyoung hit Vivi then, eyes getting larger. Jiwoo just sighed, murmuring something the others couldn’t hear.  
            “I should’ve warned her.”

Jungeun laid on her bed after a tiring day at uni, her eyes stared at the ceiling as the sunset changed its color. A few days after the breakup and Jungeun had not said even a single hi to Heejin. The other, however, seemed to be trying to reach out to her, but Jungeun had closed her doors, built up walls, pushed everyone away. She knew she shouldn’t be doing it but she couldn’t help herself. She was just tired of trying. She knew it was her fault, nonetheless, for trying to love someone not destined to be hers. But Jungeun, in any case, wanted to avoid soulmates. A fool for love as seen by others, but in her perspective she’s just being wise. She has a reason, but no one ever spoke about it. None of her friends tried to pry. She had always kept everyone away.  
            Her alarm jolted her awake after a few hours. Jungeun winced, adjusting her eyes in the dark, and then quickly looking at her phone before it woke Sooyoung up. She thought she’d be done crying for her lost love, but was proven wrong when her phone flashed “Love’s 18th Birthday!” right on her face. It was 12 am of October 19th. Jungeun remembered setting the alarm a few weeks prior in order to greet her girlfriend… Or now, her _ex._  
            Jungeun was torn.  
            So when she had her two hours vacant for that day, she found herself sitting on the same bench at the park where she and Heejin broke up. Why did she go there? Waiting for a miracle, she said. That maybe, maybe Heejin would come to her suddenly. Maybe she’d get the answers to her questions. Maybe she would be less confused, less broken, less weak…  
            She shook her head, she is not weak. She wasn’t, she isn’t, and she will never be weak. She wiped her cheeks then, surprised that she did. She didn’t feel herself crying. And this was probably the first time she cried ever since that scene a few days ago. Jungeun made up her mind; she’d talk to Heejin this time, once and for all.  
            But Heejin wasn’t the girl that the park brought her. A few minutes later, she found herself grabbing Hyunjin’s collar ever so tightly. Jungeun’s eyes were red, tears kept on pouring. “Stop making me feel so many things!” Jungeun yelled, an accusatory finger pointed at the taller girl, but Hyunjin wasn’t sure about what she was blamed for.  
            “Feel what?” Confused, Hyunjin let Jungeun explain, seeing the girl’s tired eyes.  
            “The heat! If you’re my soulmate, get the fuck out of my life.”  
            “The heat? Calm down, Jungeun. I won’t hurt you.”  
            “Stop acting innocent. You brought me here, you made me like this, _ever since you went in my life_. Fucking get out of my life.” Hyunjin tried to remove Jungeun’s hand on her collar, as she couldn’t breathe anymore, but failed. She just sighed, she got what Jungeun meant. And she was so ready to tell the other her explanation but Jungeun seemed to not have any plans of letting her go any minute soon. So Hyunjin raised both of her hands, as if to say she gives up.  
            “Okay, okay. But let me go first before you kill me and someone put you to jail.” Hyunjin said, and Jungeun slowly came back to her senses. She hadn’t expected herself to grab Hyunjin. It was just too much for her. She thought Hyunjin was one of the reasons why Heejin broke up with her. That maybe, Heejin caught her with Hyunjin one time they were supposed to do it. Or maybe Heejin knew that Jungeun is close to finding her soulmate. Whatever she was thinking now, she knew at the back of her mind that none of it happened. She just wanted to blame someone badly. Jungeun was bad at this.  
            When Hyunjin finally fixed her crumpled uniform, she looked straight to Jungeun, wiping the tears away. “First of all, I’m not of age, Jungeun,” Hyunjin said, holding out her hands like she was showing her uniform, a high school student’s uniform. “So whatever you’re saying, I’m not the one who’s making you feel that because I have no ability to do it. You see, if you wanted to see your soulmate you must both be 18, and I’ll just turn 18 next month. I’m inviting you to my birthday,” Hyunjin added, sitting the bench Jungeun left earlier in an attempt to kill her. Not that she hates Jungeun for that, though. She could’ve fought Jungeun awhile ago, but the girl seemed to be not herself so Hyunjin just kept it to herself. Hyunjin pats her side, signaling Jungeun to sit beside her. And Jungeun was exhausted, so she just sat beside Hyunjin; her anger dissipating.  
            “Stop crying, we’re at the park.” Hyunjin passed her tissue after saying this, seemingly worried about the older one. Jungeun took it, glad that the other wasn’t angry about her lashing out like that.  
            “If it wasn’t you, then why do you keep on appearing when it happens?” Jungeun asked, staring straight at her knees. Hyunjin shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe fate is playing with you or something.” Then, Hyunjin placed her hand above Jungeun’s, “If you need someone, just call me, okay?”

Jungeun couldn’t quite believe she lashed out to Hyunjin that afternoon.  
            She’s so done with fate, and destiny, and soulmates. Wondering why it even exists, she let her feet take her home. It was a long walk, but it could do. Just to remove things in her mind, she reasoned out to Jiwoo as she left her friend alone at the station.  
            A few blocks before hers, however, she spotted someone she wanted to see that day. Heejin. Her world stopped, the aching feeling doubled, her mind was a mess. Did she really want to meet Heejin? Was she ready for it? Could she take it? She has no idea. The only thing coming in her mind that moment was that she needed to let it out. So she ran, until she was a few meters away from Heejin, and then she shouted her name.  
            “W-Wait,” Jungeun said when Heejin turned, pausing to catch her breath. The other seemed reluctant, puzzled, because Jungeun just reached her out this time and she wasn’t prepared for anything. But she slowly walked to Jungeun, keeping a safe distance between the two of them. “Hi,” Heejin said, and when Jungeun looked up, she thought she had just made the worst decision of her life. She didn’t know what to say, but a few stray tears left her eyes. Guilt was evident on Heejin’s eyes.  
            Suddenly, Jungeun couldn’t imagine being mad at Heejin.  
            She broke down. So Heejin just closed the gap, wrapping Jungeun in both of her arms. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss you,” Heejin whispers on Jungeun’s ears as the other buries her face between Heejin’s shoulder and neck. Jungeun’s held Heejin tighter, but Heejin knew it wasn’t right. So she gently pulled away, meeting Jungeun’s eyes. “Let’s talk at home, okay?”  
            It was just then when Jungeun noticed the lack of makeup on Heejin’s face that day, the slight puffiness of her eyes, swollen cheeks. Jungeun wasn’t the only one suffering because of the break up.  
            “I’m sorry I picked your broken pieces only to shatter them at the end,” Heejin started, sitting at the foot of her bed. Jungeun, who still couldn’t stop crying, shook her head. “You can’t just say sorry after breaking me. You lied to me. You made me look like a fool!” Heejin closed her eyes, hard, accepting all Jungeun had said to her.  
            “You know how I need you –”  
           “Jungeun, we can’t change fate.” Heejin spat those words hard, emphasizing each word she says. “We’re bound to meet our soulmates, we can’t change fate,” she added, softer this time, before locking her eyes with Jungeun.  
            But Jungeun will forever be hardheaded. She wasn’t planning on loving anyone anymore, even if she meets her soulmate. Jungeun knows she’s set to love Heejin.  
            “We could’ve changed fate if you had faith.”  
            “It would never work. We would meet our soulmates. Jungeun, you’re old. You know how it works –”  
            “I don’t want to meet anyone else.” Jungeun stood up.  
            “Jungeun, it would happen –”  
            “Just say you love someone else then go!”  
            “Okay! Fine! I like someone else. Someone better than you. Someone not broken, not cold, not you. I fell out of love, Jungeun. You were just not the person I’m meant to fall in love with.”  
            And before Heejin knew it, Jungeun ran out of her dorm with Chaewon. Tears were flowing out of her eyes, but she immediately tried to find her phone to text Jungeun. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,’ she sent. A couple of seconds after, her phone buzzed; a new text message from Jungeun.  
            ‘Happy Birthday,’ it said.

Of course Haseul would then know what happened to Jungeun because the girl literally ran inside of their house crying. And if Haseul knows, Sooyoung would, then Vivi, then Jiwoo, and because Jiwoo is a friend of Heejin and Chaewon, she sent a quick message to Chaewon. ‘Tell your friend stop messing around with Jungeun.’  
            Clearly, it was a good idea to talk inside Heejin’s dorm because when Jungeun was running, a lot of people stared at her. She wanted to scream, to hurt someone, to yell at them for staring pitifully at her. She hates how the world seems to fuck up her life slowly. But she knew it was somehow her fault. Why does she crave for love, anyways? Why is she desperate to seek for love? Why does she feel so cold and empty? Why does she hate the thought of soulmates?  
            Why is she seeking for love but hates the whole soulmate rule?  
            The next day was Jiwoo’s birthday, and even if Jungeun wasn’t up to any activities, it was her best friend they’re talking about. So when Sooyoung told Jungeun to ‘shake your booty, stop being moody,’ Jungeun shove away the older to get dressed. What’s wrong with going outside to drink for once? She’s of age. Her friend just turned 19. Nothing bad could go wrong with her that night.  
            So Jungeun managed to get herself drunk in just an hour that night. No one can blame her, nor stop her… That’s what her friends thought, because at around 11 pm, they found Jungeun struggling to find someone around the bar.  
            Apparently, Jungeun can’t find a day without her soulmate anymore.  
            But Jungeun couldn’t still find someone. The warm feeling actually becoming soothing to her now, Jungeun first thought it was because of the beer but she knew how different the warm feels when it’s her soulmate around. She wanted to find someone, quickly leaving her friends on their table to go on the dance floor.  
            Much to everyone’s surprise. They didn’t know what Jungeun would do when she sees her soulmate. One minute, she hated it, then the next, she wanted to find it? Would she finally want to be with her soulmate?  
            “Let me do this. I’m okay, I can see well, I won’t go home without you,” Jungeun said, ignoring the girls’ protests. She wanted to find someone.  
            But that ‘someone’ seemed to not feel what she’s feeling because it’s been minutes and no one’s as frantic as her in the club. There’s not a single soul in a pool of a less than a hundred people were trying to find someone. A wild song played, and the crowd started to gather around her. She decided to give up; wherever her soulmate was, Jungeun wished it’d go away.  
            As she was moving away, though, three men went to corner her, grinding their hips to the rhythm. Jungeun was disgusted, “Leave me alone. I don’t like dicks.”  
            One man, though, went closer to Jungeun, enough to whisper something on her ears, “I can convert you if you want.” Jungeun shove him away, but she still couldn’t get out. The other two were smirking at her, trying to hold her. Jungeun was glad the heat she felt made her sober for a little, at least she could hold them off or something if they start to do anything at her. But Jungeun knows she can’t handle them all. Not when one started to hold her thigh.  
            “Don’t you want to know how it feels like? I can give you pleasure,” the other man said, leaning on to her. She was about to push them when the third man held her arms and kissed her hand. _God,_ she’s scared as hell. She closed her eyes hard when the second guy’s hand started creeping out from her thigh upwards. Jungeun was stiff. She shouldn't have worn a skirt for her outfit. _Let me go, please._ Jungeun tried to say, but her voice became dry.  
            Just when it was about to reach her, Jungeun felt soft, thin fingers grab her by her shoulder, quickly pulling her away from the creeps. The person wrapped Jungeun’s body. “Fucking go off,” Jungeun felt the girl shout. She didn’t know what happened to them, then, because she feels warm more than ever and it was crazy that she started breaking down in the embrace of the stranger.  
            “Hush, hush,” Jungeun felt her warm hands envelop her, taking her to cloud9, but she couldn’t stop crying. “It’s okay, I’m here,” the hug became tighter, and Jungeun was glad for without it, she’d probably crumple. The other led Jungeun to her seat, holding her tightly.  
            “I saw you over there and figured out you’d need my help?” The girl said, letting go of Jungeun. Jungeun felt cold without the girl’s embrace, but she looked up to meet her eyes. Stuttering, Jungeun muttered soft thanks, her gaze lowering down immediately. The other girl smiled then, reaching out to raise Jungeun’s chin up.  
            “I’m Jinsol. Do you need a drink?”  
            And Jungeun can only think of how bright the girl’s smile was. Jinsol removed her hand on Jungeun’s face, getting up. “Come on, I’ll get you some. But no alcohol for you, young lady,” Jinsol said as she held out a hand in front of Jungeun.  
            Jungeun was hesitant, but she reached out, letting Jinsol pull her up. She even nearly stumbled but Jinsol was quick to put her arm around Jungeun’s waist in order to support her. Jungeun was dumbfounded, not saying a single word and only staring at Jinsol even when the other handed her a pink drink. She didn’t quite know what it was, because as soon as Jinsol’s back, her eyes didn’t leave the girl.  
            Jinsol is blonde, and has tall but petite body. She tied her hair into a ponytail, a few strands hanging on her face. She wore a black leather jacket over a black and white striped shirt with ripped jeans. Jinsol was stunning.  
            Jungeun shook her head, tearing her gaze away as if she had not been staring at Jinsol. “Jungeun,” she said, quietly wiping her face with her handkerchief. Jinsol looked at her because of that, confused.  
            “My name. I’m Jungeun,” Jungeun looked down. “Sorry you had to see me in a situation like that,” she added, so Jinsol took her hands with her own.  
            _And god, did it feel like home._  
            “It’s fine. I’m glad I saw you before it happened,” Jinsol said, smiling at Jungeun.  
            But Jinsol was lying.

That night, Jungeun tossed around on her bed, making noises Sooyoung wasn’t glad to hear. She was thinking of how warm she felt earlier, and how she messed up her actual plan of yelling at her soulmate.  
            First, Jinsol saved her. Second, the girl was stunning. Third, she loved the warm feeling.  
            Jungeun thought of why Jinsol didn’t brought it up, though.  
            It was clear, they were in front of each other, but Jungeun couldn’t bring it up and she was frustrated because the other didn’t do it also. So Jungeun tried to erase the image of the smiling blonde girl in a ponytail waving at her friends when they spotted her and tried to sleep it off.  
            It’s better, Jungeun thinks. Then maybe Jungeun would not have any reason to think about how to tell the girl to leave her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can reach me on my cc @kjungeuns or find me on twt @orbitthefan! thank you for the kudos i love you all


	3. iii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jungeun is torn more than ever, everything's confusing for her. meanwhile, jinsol just found a special place in her heart for jungeun...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again thank you for the support! ily guys send me your shits on my cc @kjungeuns if you want thank you again!

Jungeun made a mistake however because the next Monday as she was walking again to her university, a car beeped at her, stopping right at her side. Jungeun’s confused, no friend of hers has a car. She turned around, nonetheless, and waited until the person rolls down their window. They did, and who’s inside surprised Jungeun more than ever.  
           “Going to uni? Hop on, Soul wants you in,” a poker-faced Hyunjin greeted her. Jungeun was then, more confused than ever. “Who’s Soul?” she asked, but she really can’t remember anyone named Soul. A few seconds later, Hyunjin was pushed out of the car, a voice following after, “Get out of there, go at the back! Oh! Hi, Jungeun!”  
            That explains the happiness Jungeun feels today.  
            “Did you just kick me to flirt?” Hyunjin mumbled softly while going at the back, carrying her bag. Jungeun found herself straightening her black hoodie and fixing her ponytail.  
            “Jungeun, hey? Hop on, I’m driving Hyunjin to uni,” Jinsol greeted her, patting the passenger’s seat. Jungeun went inside, softly closing the door. When Jinsol started to drive, Jungeun had her eyes fixated on the window, looking at the people walking. She thinks she’s stupid.  
            “Shouldn’t you be more careful? You’re walking alone,” Jinsol began, startling Jungeun. Jungeun feels a weird feeling starting in her chest. No, she must hate this.           “A lot of people are walking; nothing’s going to happen to me but thank you.”  
            “For the record,” Jinsol shot a look at Jungeun, “you almost got groped by some creepy ass men while sober. I don’t think you mean what you’re saying.” It was Jungeun’s turn to look at Jinsol, gesturing Hyunjin at the back who was quietly listening to their conversation.  
            “If she tells this to anyone, I’m gonna kick her out of my apartment. Right, Hyun?”  
            “Okay, but I’m not that kind of person, and that’s my apartment too. Right, Soul?”  
            Jungeun chuckled as the two continued to banter, her worries leaving her for awhile.  
            Somehow, with the both girls, Jungeun finds herself at peace.  
            Jungeun hasn’t smiled for days.

Overthinking was Jungeun’s hobby, especially when she has nothing to do. Well actually, she has a lot; she’s just too busy overthinking to actually start doing something. Today’s just the same.  
            From her unfinished projects and essays to her frustration about Heejin’s undeniably hurtful words to the dumb smile of a certain blonde she met a few days ago. Jinsol’s successfully in her life, so now what? Are they really going to ignore the fact that they are soulmates? Does Jungeun need to prepare her speech to make Jinsol go away?  
            That’s rude. Jungeun sighed. She owes her life to Jinsol, her soulmate apparently, and Jungeun is going bonkers because of it.  
            She and Jiwoo have been staying at the café for about an hour already, the other eating while studying for some exam she’ll take later that day. For some reasons, Jungeun hasn’t said anything, nor finished her cup. Jiwoo’s not dumb, she knew something was up, but her friend hasn’t told her anything ever since her breakup with Heejin.  
            Finally, when Jiwoo figured out she had enough of the silence, she started poking Jungeun’s hand in front of her. Jungeun almost jumped, making Jiwoo’s smile brighter.  
            “Let’s eat some ice cream?” Jiwoo asked, making a puppy face at Jungeun, who flashed a toothy grin, something that made Jiwoo a lot happier than she is.  
            “You never get your tummy full,” Jungeun said, pinching Jiwoo’s nose.  
            Well, Jiwoo thinks, at least I’m getting an ice cream and my best friend’s happy.

They don’t really know what they’re going to do with Jungeun. “It’d be better if she’d nag at me rather than let me slack off, you know,” Sooyoung told her girlfriend, who just nodded at her in agreement. It seems like the girls were just happy that Jungeun is at least talking to Jiwoo.  
            They couldn’t talk to her about it, Vivi figured Jungeun shouldn’t be asked about it.  
            Jungeun thinks otherwise.  
            After her and Heejin’s breakup, and Jinsol’s sudden appearance in her life, Jungeun is torn. She loves Heejin, and she hates the thought of soulmates, why is she even feeling torn? That was one thing she wanted to voice out, yet she feels like she has no one to lean onto. She’d be glad to hear even Sooyoung’s bitchy remarks or Haseul’s cringey advises.  
            They ended up changing roommates all of a sudden, Jiwoo to help Jungeun whenever she needed, Sooyoung with Vivi and Haseul alone in the last room. Vivi argued the both shouldn’t be left alone in a room; Sooyoung rolled her eyes and nudged Haseul, indicating something the both of them only knows.  
            But Jiwoo wasn’t much of a help to Jungeun. The latter always ends up facing the wall, not asleep, but not aware of anything either. Her mind floats around the room, wishing for someone to make her stop feeling anything.  
            _What really hurts Jungeun was how fast Heejin could move on._

Jungeun chugged down her remaining milk tea, grimacing, she should’ve bought something less sweet than her original order. The notes she’s been reviewing stayed in front of her, messy. Jungeun’s alone again, not that she cares anymore. She’s been alone most of her life already. Today, instead, she’s focused on her upcoming exam.  
            At least, that’s how she said she’ll do.  
            She felt her eyelids dripping, Jungeun hasn’t slept for days. But she fights it off, thinking it wouldn’t do her good if she slept in an almost deserted café, right beside the window. Jungeun almost fell asleep, almost.  
            Because she hadn't realized why everything felt okay for a sudden. Not until a warm hand softly shook her shoulders. Jungeun was startled.  
            "If you're studying, this isn't a good place, Jungeun," it ended with a cup placed on her left. Jungeun knew from the voice it was Hyunjin. The latter sat on the opposite chair of Jungeun's, silently chuckling, "You look like you didn't sleep for a century. You might pass out before you even pass an exam."  
            Jungeun didn't move, but her hands were as white as her skirt today. "What? Something wrong?" Hyunjin asked, slightly shifting on her seat, trying to get a better look at Jungeun's face. The latter turned her look away, shifting, "You know," she started. And Hyunjin nodded. Jungeun thinks of it again, as if to check on her mind if she's really going to do it, but she directed her look at Hyunjin, gulping down the nervousness she's been feeling.  
            "I really wanted to ask you this but I haven't had enough time and you know how much I have a lot in my mind lately because of Heejin and that incident in the club and the piles of works and exams and I just wanted to ask you about Jinsol," Jungeun rapped, panting, she avoided Hyunjin's glance. Hyunjin, however, seemed flustered.      "You mean Soul eonni? Jinsol? Jung Jinsol?" Jungeun nodded.  
            "Why? Gonna hit on her?" Jungeun seemed taken aback, shocked, but was expecting it. She shook her head, her fingers fidgeting on her pen.  
            "Are you her sister?" Jungeun wasn't sure why she's asking, but she does anyway.  
            "What? No, I'm her soulmate."  
            Jungeun's heart sank.

To be fair, Jungeun didn't want this. A messy life? Jungeun wished she could just breathe even for a moment. That night, Jungeun just sighed. She didn't even want to think about what was everyone's deal with her. Even for a single moment.  
            For the meantime, Jungeun was free of any problems.  
            The next day, Jungeun found herself in an awkward situation. As she was passing by Heejin's apartment complex, the latter went out. Jungeun sighed, another unlucky day for her.  
            Heejin grabbed Jungeun's small arm, as if to stop the other from walking. Jungeun anticipated it. She wanted to say she's in a hurry, she wanted to make different excuses just so she wouldn't be able to talk to Heejin but the other held her. Jungeun knew she's weak.  
            "Jungeun, I'm sorry," Heejin started, her eyes searching Jungeun's, who remained frozen on her spot, looking at everywhere but Heejin.  
            "Save it. I don't need your apologies," Jungeun replied, her voice firm, she was surprised she wasn't stuttering. Heejin sighed, letting go of Jungeun's arm.  
            "I didn't mean it."  
            Jungeun scanned Heejin, fixing her coat. She nodded once, then looked away.  
            "Yeah, let's just say you didn't. I'll be late for uni, excuse me."  
            Jungeun just left Heejin standing. She doesn't know if she should be proud or mad at herself, though.

"Don't tell me you're here alone," Jungeun almost jumped from her seat when someone touched her from behind, hiding her face as soon as she saw the girl who held her.  
            "Jinsol, oh... I'm just, you know," Jungeun said, gulping down another glass of soju. Her poorly tied hair was loose, her eyes a little bit drowsy, her white scarf dangling on her shoulders. Jungeun has been staying there for about an hour, her mind lingering towards Hyunjin’s response to her. Soulmate? And what was she feeling? Jungeun pulled her bag to her side before it reached the floor, then poured herself another glass of soju.  
            Jinsol finds Jungeun cute.  
            "Why, of all places, must you drink alone at a tent bar? I don't think you're aware of what can happen, are you, Jungeun?" Jinsol watched Jungeun point her with wobbling hands.  
            "As if you're not doing the same," Jungeun said, gulping yet another glass of soju. "Blah, too bitter," Jungeun commented, but continued to pour another shot on her glass.   
            "You're really cute, Jungeun," Jinsol whispered, the other raised her eyebrows.  
            "What?"  
            "I said I like you more when you're drunk," Jinsol murmured, too soft for the smaller to hear.  
            "What?" Jinsol shrugged at Jungeun's question, grabbing the bottle of soju away from the young girl. "Stop drinking on a Wednesday night. Where's your dorm?" Jinsol told Jungeun, hoping the girl wasn't that drunk yet. But Jungeun stood up to call the owner, "One more soju, please!"  
            Jungeun sat down as the owner gave her one more soju, poured down another shot, then chugged it down. Jinsol wasn't amazed, but she let the girl do what she wanted.  
            "Jinsol, have you ever been loved?"  
            But she was just left flattered at Jungeun's question. "Loved? Why?" Jinsol answered, stuttering.  
            "Just because," Jungeun said, twirling her fingers on her loose hair. "I wanted to know how it feels like. To be loved. I don't know if I was ever loved," she added. Jungeun thinks it was the alcohol, because she knew Jinsol is loved without asking the question. She has Hyunjin.  
            "I'm sorry," Jinsol whispered, enough for Jungeun to hear. She knew she has a part on it, even though she just only met the girl. Suddenly, Jinsol's insides burned. It was never that hot for her. But Jungeun was fine, and now Jinsol's thinking about all the possibilities why Jungeun wasn't hurting.  
            Contrary to Jinsol's belief, Jungeun was hurting. The pain was too much she couldn't distinguish what was the heat and what was pain. Jungeun just knew she's hurting too much, and it can't be shown physically. Jungeun was too tired.  
            "Why are you sorry? You've done nothing," Jungeun replied, slightly chuckling, before grabbing the soju bottle and pouring herself another shot. "I failed so much in love, you know? That's why it always hurts here," Jungeun pointed roughly at her chest, where her heart is supposedly located. "It always hurts, it's always empty. I love truly but they all leave me."  
            "You're too young to be that heartbroken," Jinsol commented softly, as if to say Jungeun's too young to have loved a lot of people in her life. Jungeun didn't take it like what she meant; instead, she looked at the blonde fiercely.  
            "No one's too young to be broken. When my dad lef— I'm sorry," Jungeun looked away, tears leaving on her eyes. Jungeun looked too heartbroken for her age, Jinsol thinks. What must she suffer alone?  
            Jinsol stood up and went beside Jungeun slowly, placing the bag on the top of the table and sitting just beside Jungeun. The taller wrapped her arms around Jungeun, who leaned onto her.  
            "Why must every time I see you, you're miserable?" Jinsol softly told Jungeun who was controlling her sobs on the blonde's arms.  
            _It was enough,_ Jungeun thinks. _Jinsol was enough to make her feel better._  
            And it _scares_ Jungeun.

It was 12 midnight when Jungeun decided she'd go home. But it's only with the help of Jinsol she'd be able to do that, because Jinsol saw Jungeun drink soju like there's no tomorrow. The blonde stopped the brunette when the latter hit seven bottles. Not one word was said. Drunk Jungeun was glad.  
            They were both walking home. Jinsol wasn't drunk, but she wasn't sure why she's doing this.  
            They passed by countless numbers of stores and streets. Finally after it felt like forever, Jungeun walked inside a street. Houses started to appear, it was getting quiet. It was just then when Jungeun sat down the pavement. Jinsol wasn't sure what to do. The brunette was hugging her folded legs, her head covered by her knees, and most importantly, Jungeun was shaking. Jinsol was surprised, and slowly went to hug the younger on her back. But Jungeun didn't stop crying, and it felt too long for Jinsol. She didn't want to see Jungeun suffer like this, so she said one thing.  
            "It's going to be okay, as long as you have me," Jinsol whispered through Jungeun's ear. She unwrapped her arms around Jungeun, and went to push back Jungeun's loose hair that was dangling on her forehead. Jungeun looked up to her.  
She didn't understand what she's thinking. But when Jinsol stood up and offered Jungeun her hand, Jungeun went for it.  
            Under the starry sky of a Wednesday of October, around nobody else and nothing but a few trees and houses, Jungeun kissed Jinsol.  
            Jinsol didn't move, but Jungeun was moving. The younger's tears had stopped, as she tiptoed a bit to reach the older's lips.   
            It felt too short, yet too long. Jungeun had stopped, her lips lingering just above Jinsol's. Jungeun figured out she's not that drunk to make a decision like that. Her insides were hot, her heart swelling with something she is not aware of.  
            She doesn't have to chase her soulmate this time, but now that she's with Jinsol, Jungeun was reminded of why she wanted to go away as far as she can from her soulmate. Jungeun was confused. She thought of Jinsol not moving. She shut her eyes, remembering Hyunjin.  
            "Right, your soulmate. I gotta go, thanks," Jungeun stuttered, turning away from Jinsol. Jinsol was quick, though. She grabbed Jungeun's arm as she was turning away.  
            "What soulmate?"  
            "H-Hyunjin..." There was a moment of silence, then Jinsoul slowly interlaced their hands. Jungeun blushed.  
            "She's my cousin— you got fooled by her, aren't you? She's not even 18 yet." Jungeun wasn't sure why she's glad to hear this, but she kept on pushing that thought to the back of her mind. She must hate this.  
            Jinsol chuckled, tightening her hold onto Jungeun's hand. I must be crazy, Jungeun thinks. Because Jungeun smiled back, her thoughts leaving her mind.  
Just for tonight, Jungeun thinks. She'll let herself go with the flow just for tonight.

"Ya, Kim Jungeun! What's going in your mind? Going home at this hour drunk?!" Jiwoo yapped at Jungeun, who doesn't look like herself. She neatly arranged her sneakers on the rack beside the door, though, after pushing Jiwoo away from it.  
            "Move away so we can go inside properly, Ming," Jungeun said, kicking Jiwoo's foot. She looked back, motioning at someone. "Come in," Jungeun said, pushing Jiwoo inside their house.  
            "What come in? Who? What the—did you bring Hee—oh... Hi!!" Jiwoo waved energetically at the blonde, dragging Jungeun away.  
            "Why did you bring a hottie in? While drunk?" Jiwoo whispered. Jungeun rolled her eyes, going to their living room to sit at the sofa lazily.  
            "Jinsol, you can sit. That's Jiwoo over there. It's midnight, you can sleep here with me," Jungeun said, her hands grasping her head strongly. "My head hurts," she groaned, hitting her head with her own fists. Jiwoo snorted on her side.  
            "Why bring a hottie when you're like that," it was Jiwoo's turn to roll her eyes. Jiwoo then left the two to go to her room. Jungeun continued to hit her head slowly but continuously until Jinsol held her hands.  
            "Stop doing that. It won't help you either, stupid," Jinsol said, sitting right beside Jungeun. The brunette tensed up, her dizziness finally leaving her. Oops.  
            "Jung Jinsol," Jungeun started. Her hands wrapped on her head. Jungeun feels hot. She can't wait until Jinsol tells her that she feels it too.  
            "Yes?" Jinsol hummed, slightly adjusting her position to sit comfortably.  
            "Do you feel it?" Jungeun asked, slowly widening the gap between the two of them. She feels her heart swelling again. It doesn't feel empty anymore. Nor cold. Jungeun tears up, but quietly. Jinsol doesn't notice.  
            It was because Jinsol's mind is left with doubts and lots of thoughts. She looked to her right where Jungeun is seated. After a moment of silence, Jinsol decided she made up her mind.  
            "It's cold?"  
            Jungeun unclenched her jaw which she didn't even noticed clenching.  
            _Maybe it's just me,_ Jungeun thinks. _It's better than pushing you out of my life when you've saved me._

The next morning, Jungeun woke up with a headache. The curtains light enough to let the sunlight shower the whole room. She adjusted her eyes, stretching her body. After a few seconds of trying not to doze off, she sat up abruptly.  
            "Aw, fuck," Jungeun slightly massaged her head as it throbbed more than ever. She didn't waste any second, though, because she immediately stood up to check the upper deck of the bed where Jinsol was supposed to be. She didn't find anyone, though, just a note on the ladder at the side.  
            "I left before you woke up because I need to go to the uni I go to, thanks for accommodating me, xoxo Soul... fish?" Jungeun rushed outside of her room to go to Vivi's where Jiwoo slept that night, but Haseul cut her before she had the chance to knock on the door.  
            "What are you doing here? Everyone left already," Jungeun sighed at Haseul.  
            "What are you doing here?"  
            "I have no classes till 11, and you?"  
            "Shit, Seul, what time is it now?" Jungeun shouted, running to their bathroom to wash up.  
            "It's 8! Jinsol said you were drunk so I didn't wake you up!" Haseul shouted back, confused at Jungeun. It was the first time Jungeun talked to her after awhile.  
            "I'm doomed," Jungeun said after getting out of her room, fixing her things in her bag. Haseul crossed her arms, standing a meter away from Jungeun, and smirked.  
            "If you didn't bring a, let me quote Jiwoo, hottie, in a Wednesday night while drunk then you wouldn't be late today, stupid. Fix your hair, you look like a monster," Jungeun shouted and threw her hairbrush at Haseul's direction, who managed to get away before anything hit her.  
            "Wait until I get home tonight! Bye! I'll go!" Jungeun said, clutching a yellow memo on her left hand.  
            It wasn't obvious she wanted to meet Jinsol first thing in the morning.

Jungeun was left alone in the lecture hall of her last class. She stayed there quietly. No one was going to use the room for the rest of the day, and it was just four in the afternoon. Jungeun had no idea of leaving or going home. She was waiting for someone.  
            She opened her bag's pocket, revealing a folded but slightly crumpled yellow sticky note. Jungeun sighed. Until today, Jungeun could only sigh. She thought of wasting her time to a tent bar that night again, but she shook her head.  
            Jungeun shouldn't be even drinking like this.  
            She clutched the note again, closing her bag and grabbing her clear books and books.  
            After closing her locker to leave some of her books, Jungeun decided to walk to the nearest library in their town. Her mind wandering through all the possibilities and scenarios that could happen if she and Heejin hadn't broke up. She sniffed, wiping her cheeks. She doesn't realize she was tearing up.  
            It still hurts for Jungeun.  
            No one can blame her, it hasn't even been a month. She knew it was coming, and yet it still hurts. No one can get ready for heartbreaks. Before the two of them broke up, they would to hangout to cafes or parks or libraries together. She didn't know what went wrong.  
            The blame is on her today. And Jungeun has never blamed herself or anyone for a breakup. Jungeun is just too tired for everything. Maybe loving isn't just for her. Maybe she's meant to be alone. Maybe she'd done something to someone in her past life that's why she's being punished in this life.  
            Jungeun stopped walking, finally noticing her continuous tears and trying to stop herself from breaking down in the middle of stores and people.  
            When she broke up with Jiwoo and Haseul before, there weren't tears. They knew it wouldn't work out, that's why they stopped. But with Heejin? Everything with Heejin was different. They way Jungeun's heart beats faster and faster when Heejin is near, Heejin gave Jungeun a new feeling. Heejin promised her that she'd never leave Jungeun's side. Heejin told her soulmates doesn't even matter to her. Heejin told her she'd never cheat on her.  
            _It was late._ Jungeun tried to inhale and exhale slowly in order to prevent herself from sobbing.  
            A warm arm wrapped around Jungeun's shoulder, "Want to get some bubble tea? My treat."  
            Jungeun looked up slightly in order to meet her eyes, "Jinsol."  
            Surprisingly, Jungeun was able to steady her breathing as Jinsol hugged her tighter. Jinsol wiped Jungeun's tears, then. Jungeun nodded slowly, standing properly when Jinsol let her go.  
            "Let's go?" Jinsol asked, offering her hand to Jungeun.  
            Another day was saved by Jung Jinsol.

This is where the conflict becomes more complicated, Jungeun thinks. She sipped onto her bubble tea while sparing a glance at Jinsol. She debated onto asking Jinsol a lot of things and keeping her mouth shut until the other opens up. She decided on the latter, however. She doesn't trust her mouth at this time.  
            "What are you looking at?"  
            Her eyes flitted to Jinsol's lips. Their kiss crossed Jungeun's mind. She shook her head, violently, and Jinsol held her hand on the table.  
            There's something with Jinsol's touch.  
            "N-nothing," Jungeun replied, closing her eyes a little harder when she stuttered. Damn, Jungeun. How many brain cells do you have?  
            Jinsol chuckled slightly; her lips forming a small smile, her eyes forming crescent moons. You're just too pretty, Jungeun thinks.  
            "So, not to pry but do you wanna talk about something or should we just talk about everything else except that?" Jinsol asked, giving Jungeun's hand a small squeeze. Jungeun sighed, should she open up to no one or should she accept a stranger's offer?  
            "It's better than holding it in?" Jinsol said hesitatingly. With that, Jungeun tried to bring some sense to herself. Maybe a stranger's better than someone who knows both her and Heejin.  
            "Do you think soulmates are real?" Jungeun asked, a bit nervous because she's asking this to her soulmate. Jinsol leaned back, sighing a bit but disguising it as normal breathing.  
            "Kind of funny you asked, eh? I mean, I haven't even met mine but I guess it's true? Looking at those couples..." A moment of silence enveloped them, it was comfortable, nonetheless. Jinsol was looking outside the window, to the passersby. Some were holding hands, some have their child, some were just alone. Jungeun, on the other hand, was looking at the post it memo she fished out of her pocket. She sighed. Haven't met?  
            "Why? And you? Don't you believe in them?" Jinsol's eyes turned to look at Jungeun who surprisingly was looking at her too.  
            "I kind of defied the universe's plans."  
            "Kind of? What do you mean?"  
            "Just... You know, I've dated a few girls before," Jungeun said, smiling at the thought.  
            "And?"  
            "And I thought it'd be okay. The first two I dated were fine. The previous one however..." Jungeun sniffed, sighing again. At this point, Jinsol can get a dollar per Jungeun's tears and she'd be a millionaire in no time.  
            "I thought we'd work out because we were like, the best. Heejin was perfect, and I thought we'd last. But some people just don't take feelings seriously, do they?"  
            "I'm listening."  
            "At first I thought she'd be the one. Like, she made my heart beat faster than ever. Then slowly I felt warm. Then one day she'd just call me to say it's quits? That she liked someone else? It's just unfair, Jinsol. I feel like I can never be enough." Jinsol slowly made her way to the seat beside Jungeun's.  
            "Is it because I'm lacking? I got nothing on me? Am I to needy? Is it tiring to be with me? I just want to love," Jungeun's eyes were covered by her hands. She practically needed to stop herself, or even control herself, from sobbing and shouting inside the cafe. Jungeun found herself leaning onto Jinsol whose hug became her home in a short matter of time. Jungeun felt a soft kiss on her forehead.  
            "You're enough, sweetie. I hope you know that," Jinsol's soft words embraced Jungeun. Somehow, Jinsol found a special place for Jungeun in her heart.  
            I can only hope it's true, Jungeun thinks.  
            After awhile, Jungeun calmed down. Jinsol mentally patted herself because of it. She had one question, though. And she debated on asking it or not. But she did anyway.  
            "Jungeun," Jinsol nudged Jungeun, who took a small sip on her bubble tea again.  
            "What if you met your soulmate? Maybe they'd treat you better?"  
            Jungeun looked at Jinsol, bitting her bottom lip when she looked away.  
            "I... I don't think I want to meet them."  
            Jinsol felt her heart aching a little as Jungeun's words ring her mind. Jungeun, however, chose to ignore the way she feels too hot that it burns her.  
            "I don't think they matter to me."


	4. iv.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s Jinsol’s deal with Jungeun?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for liking this!! i'm really happy :(((( please enjoy another heavy ride with jungeun! xoxo

“Okay but you hanging out with that hottie, not once baby, not twice, but thrice – it hurts me, Jungeun!” Vivi slapped Jiwoo’s overacting ass as she passed by the younger to get some food, immediately earning a glare from the latter.  
            “I’m not hanging out with a hottie, Jiwoo. You can have her, goodness.”  
            “Yeah but the fact that you’re with her that night when you got stupid on my birthday and the following days–”  
            “How did you know we hanged out thrice?” Jungeun threw Jiwoo a death glare, ready to beat the hell out of Jiwoo.  
            “I got my black belt taekwondo skills to protect me, remember that. Also you were together yesterday! I saw you! It hurts me, Jungeun. You owe me pizzas!” Jiwoo said; her fighting stance ready to snap at Jungeun. Before the other could say anything, however, Jiwoo fished out her phone from her front pocket and shoved it to jungeun after clicking a few things.  
            “There!”

“Here lies Kim Jiwoo, age 18. She loved food, but she was too stupid – aw!” Vivi exclaimed as she tried to get away from Jiwoo as soon as possible.  
            “Ya, Wong Kahei!”  
            “I’m older than you, don’t shout at me!”  
            “Yeah, one more shout and I’m getting my pizza alone–” Vivi immediately closed their door, in front of Jiwoo’s face.  
            “Bye, babe! I gotta eat some pizzas today!” Vivi shouted as she jogged her way to Jungeun, who was a few meters away from her already.  
            “So, I must say I’m glad I’m having free pizza,” Vivi said, tying her scarf properly on her neck. She was trying to start a normal conversation between them, which she hasn’t done in a few days considering Jungeun’s state. She’s worried she’d say something she’ll regret, that’s why.  
            “Thank Jiwoo and her whiny ass. She’ll never stop nagging about Jinsol,” Jungeun replied after awhile, a small smile visible on her lips. Vivi slightly smirked when she noticed it, her playful side starting again.  
            “I mean, I saw her a few times already and Jinsol’s really a hottie. Jiwoo ain’t wrong, you picked the right girl, hunny,” Vivi said, sparing Jungeun a glance. The younger’s ears turning redder. _Got ‘cha,_ Vivi thinks.  
            “Whatever, you can have her.”  
            “Eh? I thought you liked girls like her. Sure you don’t wanna date her?”  
            Jungeun raised an eyebrow at her, as if to judge to older. Well, she deserved it.  
            “I just broke up with someone else, that’s kind of disrespectful, Vivi.”  
            “It ain’t if they cheated.”  
            A moment of silence passed by, then Jungeun sighed.  
            “Yeah, but still, I don’t want to date anyone else anymore. Especially a Jung Jinsol,” Jungeun replied. She was surprised the mention of Heejin and Jinsol didn’t make her tear up again. Maybe letting it out to someone really helped her?  
            “Why not?”  
            Jungeun thought of not telling it to Vivi, but it was just unfair. Vivi’s her friend for five years already; lying to her would be like lying to herself.  
            “Vivi, what would you feel if you met your soulmate?” Jungeun asked, turning her head to look at Vivi. The older was surprised, her cheeks tinted slight blush of pink. Clearly, you could tell that Vivi was caught off guard.  
            “What kind of question is that, Jungeun?” Vivi answered, slightly awkward of the topic. But even with answering with that, Vivi’s mind was thinking of something else… like a certain someone’s soft cheeks…  
            Jungeun doesn’t seem to notice, though.  
            “Nothing. Do you want to meet them? Do you want to be with them?” Jungeun said, really curious of Vivi’s answer. After a few moments, they both turned to the nearest corner, entering the continuous chain of stores. Vivi shrugged, then.  
            “Not soon, but I’m kind of waiting for it? I mean, we’re born to be that way, Jungie. Eventually, it’d happen.”  
            “You’re waiting for something I wish will never happen to me,” Jungeun replies, stopping in front of the small pizza hut. “You first?”  
            “Thanks,” Vivi told her, flashing a small smile. “Why? What happened to you?”  
            “Jinsol’s my soulmate.”

“Oh yes, baby! This is why I love you, Jungie!” Jiwoo jumped out of her excitement and hugged Jungeun, to which Vivi snorted.  
            “I was the one who told her to?” Vivi almost shouted; sounding slightly pissed off. Jiwoo turned to her, then, cooed at Vivi. She removed herself from Jungeun, and then turned to squish Vivi’s cheeks.  
            “Aww–nah you left me here alone,” Jiwoo said, crushing Vivi’s cheeks.  
            “You look disgusting. What about join me watching The Good Place?” Jungeun shouted from the living room, already positioned on their sofa.

“I think we should just watch a movie instead,” Jungeun suggested, munching on her slice of pizza. She turned to look at her friends at either side, who just shrugged.  
            “Eh, I think it’s good, why?”  
            “I don’t like soulmate stuffs. Just change it to a horror movie.”  
            Jiwoo eyed Vivi on the other side, who just shrugged at her back. Apparently five years of friendship wasn’t enough to uncover Jungeun’s deep thoughts and secrets. This is where Vivi derived the thought she’d better not talk to Jungeun about stuff concerning that topic rather than make Jungeun unapproachable. Both she and Jiwoo once made this mistake at middle school, it wasn’t a good scene.  
            So Jiwoo snatched the remote from Vivi’s hand, quickly searching for a good movie to watch. Jungeun, on the other hand, sighed. She turned to look at Jiwoo on her left side, nudging her.  
            “Would you like to meet your soulmate?” Jiwoo froze, biting her lip. So, _so_ not Jungeun. There was a silence, and for the first time for the three of them, it felt awkward.  
            “Y-yeah? I mean, if they’d want to… sure…” Jiwoo let out a small chuckle. Jungeun groaned, frowning. Jiwoo was just about to ask Jungeun about it but Haseul and Sooyoung suddenly barged in, immediately cutting Jiwoo’s thoughts.  
            Weird, Sooyoung thinks. She never saw the three in an awkward situation before.

Jungeun spent her weeks studying continuously, leaving herself no space or time to think of the breakup, soulmates, and her problems. She decided avoiding Heejin, Chaewon, Jinsol and Hyunjin would do her best, even to the point wherein she avoided going anywhere near a café or the library…  
            But that wasn’t going to happen forever, because on November 14th, Jungeun received a text message from Hyunjin saying she should attend her small party at their apartment. Jungeun threw her phone on the sofa, groaning.  
            “Wow, the audacity. For your information, Kim Jungeun, you’re not even working so don’t throw your phone like you have the money to change it,” Haseul reprimanded her, picking up the phone at her side and giving it out to Jungeun who was seated at the floor.  
            “Save my ass, Haseul. Join me at Hyunjin’s party.”  
            “Oh, you got invited? Come on, we’re all gonna come. Hyunjin invited all of us. We’ve been hanging out really often these days,” Haseul said, still had her arm stretched out to give Jungeun her phone but the younger just shook her head in front of it.  
            “I’m done with my phone, Haseul,” Jungeun exclaimed, grabbing her phone only to throw it out again. Haseul rolled her eyes.  
            “Let’s just, I don’t know, have some fun?” Sooyoung appeared, handing out a bowl of popcorn to the both of them.  
            “And maybe get that hottie?” Haseul seconded, who immediately earned a scowl from Jungeun.  
            “I hate you.”

The familiar feeling hit Jungeun just as they were nearing Jinsol’s place, and Jungeun doesn’t know what to think of it. Was she happy? Sad? Neutral about it? Vivi noticed the change in Jungeun’s expression, but decided against teasing the younger. The apartment was at the second floor and Jinsol greeted them at the front door, with Haseul and Sooyoung at the front.  
            “Glad you made it, Hyunjin was starting to worry you might ditch her,” Jinsol said, laughing slightly. Haseul made a face at the older.  
            “If only Jungeun didn’t take an hour to get dressed we wouldn’t be this late,” Sooyoung teased, instantly getting hit by Jungeun.  
            “I didn’t!”  
            “Let’s just say you didn’t, Jungeun,” Jinsol said, winking at Jungeun. Jungeun’s ears reddened. She adjusted her hair, hoping to cover her face but Jiwoo just elbowed her.  
            It was really a small party, only a few people were invited over, just some of Hyunjin’s friends–probably less than 10? But Jiwoo and the others were such social butterflies, as they are already engaged in a conversation with some. Jungeun, on the other hand, was alone at the corner after greeting Hyunjin, concentrating on the heat she was feeling.  
            “You okay?” Jinsol greeted Jungeun, seating at her side. Jungeun adjusted, feeling a lot warmer than usual. What does she really need to feel now? Happy that she successfully avoided Jinsol? Happy that Jinsol doesn’t feel the heat too?  
            “Yeah, I guess so,” Jungeun replied, nodding ever so slightly.  
            “We really didn’t meet for awhile, huh?” Jungeun shifted at the question. She turned to face at Jinsol, looking sorry.  
            “It’s okay. We were kind of busy but hey? At least we met again. Maybe fate is good to us,” Jinsol stated before Jungeun could say anything. Jungeun took the comment to reflect, though. She believes fate is just messing her life around.  
            Jinsol took the chance to put her arm around Jungeun’s shoulder, pulling the girl tighter to her.  
            _Okay,_ Jungeun thinks. _Maybe stop making me feel you’re home._  
            Perhaps it wasn’t the fate playing with her, maybe it was Jinsol. How dare she show up out of nowhere when Jungeun was fine with Heejin? How dare she make Jungeun feel like she’s full and everything’s just sweet and fine and then leave her hanging like that after kissing Jungeun because apparently she doesn’t feel the heat too?  
            “Oh, where are you going?” Jinsol asked, standing up as soon as Jungeun left her embrace.  
            “Gonna get myself some drink,” Jungeun replied, her voice shaky. With anger, maybe? Why is she even angry? It’s not like it was Jinsol’s fault that she couldn’t feel the heat too. It was never Jinsol’s fault. Jinsol never even did anything to harm her; she was always just there for Jungeun.  
            “Stop groaning, you scare me,” Jungeun almost jumped at Jinsol’s words.  
            _I’m scaring myself more because I can’t agree with myself_.  
            “Sorry. You want some?” Jungeun mentally punched herself. Yeah? You’re so effing cool, Kim Jungeun. _Awesome._  
            The blonde shook her head, smiling brightly.  
            “I need to babysit someone who just turned an adult. I’ll just watch you,” she chuckled.  
            Sweet.  
            _Okay._ Jungeun’s at fault. She was the one who suddenly decided she should hide like it’s a game. She was the one who let herself hung onto something when she knew she’d just going to hide afterwards.  
            Jungeun drank the shot at once. She’s supposed to hate feeling the heat, but why does she want Jinsol to feel it too?  
            Jungeun grabbed the bottle and started to walk back to where she last sat, with Jinsol following her shortly after. She feels a different kind of anger, and heat, and the drink wasn’t helping her. She stopped midway, right at the middle of two doors leading to Jinsol and Hyunjin’s respective rooms. Almost no one was near them, with some of Hyunjin’s friends gathered inside her room and her squad and some others playing some kind of game at the living room.  
            Jungeun didn’t look back at Jinsol, but she wasn’t moving. Her bottle of soju on her left hand, she used her right hand to mess her hair up. The heat burns. The more she thought of hating Jinsol for not feeling it, it burns even more. She tears up.  
            “Stop thinking of anything,” Jinsol finally said. Jungeun felt Jinsol about a foot away, she couldn’t figure out what Jinsol was doing; she just knew she hated Jinsol at that moment. For letting her hang like that after kissing her, for playing with her, for being nice and sweet and warm when she doesn’t even feel the heat.  
            Jungeun wasn’t a toy.  
            But she hates herself even more. What? She just told Vivi she wouldn’t start liking anyone else anymore because she’s tired and now she just feels something different again and she’s going to fall with just a few days and a kiss? Is that how desperate she is to feel loved?  
            Not totally fall. It was the heat making her feel the longing was done, that she’s okay now. That’s how it’s really supposed to work. When you feel the heat, you fall deeper. It’s your home. Your soulmate is your home. On Jungeun’s case, however, Jinsol couldn’t feel it. She spent the weeks studying with an empty heart. She felt emptier than ever, cold, unwanted.  
            She hates Jinsol.  
            “I said stop thinking about anything,” Jinsol said again, grabbing Jungeun’s hand to make the younger face her at last. Her tone wasn’t harsh, it was like honey. Jinsol took Jungeun’s bottle away, setting it to the floor. Jungeun was looking downwards, so Jinsol lifted the younger’s head, wiping her tears away.  
            Jinsol hugged her.  
            What was Jinsol’s deal with her, really?  
            “It burns when you think of something against me. Stop, okay? Come on, just sleep at my room.”

Jungeun didn’t bring it up. She was afraid. She just let Jinsol guide her inside her room. She just let it slide again. She felt the night grew colder and colder. Was Jinsol out? It shouldn’t even bother her actually, because all the time, it has always been cold to Jungeun wherever she goes.  
            Can she still prevent it?  
            It was hard when Heejin and she broke up. She’s lost. Jungeun doesn’t want to feel something like that again. Especially with her soulmate, Jungeun thinks she’d do something she’d regret, that she’d feel something worse than she did with Heejin and lose it too. Like her mom.  
            It was 2 am when Haseul barged inside, then. She didn’t remember anything much until she went home to sleep.  
            Just a flash of a blonde looking at her as she left the apartment.

Her professor cancelled her first class the next day, and Jungeun had nothing until the afternoon. She didn’t really know where to go, because she was already at the campus when the announcement reached her. So Jungeun decided to spend her morning at the pavilion. Not a lot of kids were there, just a few trying to sleep or play basketball or volleyball.  
            She took out her reviewer and tried to read the highlighted words. It’s a pain, really. She couldn’t remember choosing Biology as her course but here she is. What was her real plan, by the way? Teaching after graduating? Become a doctor?  
            She crossed out the word ‘teaching’ on her paper. She liked kids, what about trying to become a pedia?  
            “Woah, trying to become a child’s doctor, Jungie?” Jungeun almost jumped as Jiwoo suddenly spoke behind her. Her mind was too occupied to even notice Jiwoo. She hid her reviewer, then, facing Jiwoo.  
            “What are you doing here?”  
            “I go here every Fridays, babe. I write songs here, and in case you forgot, you told me you were gonna finish that one song I gave you,” Jiwoo poked Jungeun repeatedly, perking her eyebrows.  
            “Oh, right, just a minute.”  
            “Finally got some inspiration, huh? Is it the hottie?”  
            “Jiwoo, she has a name,” Jungeun said, handing out a folder to Jiwoo. “And what if she’s my inspiration?” She added, raising her eyebrow. Jiwoo smirked.  
            “Got ‘cha. Hey, she wants you up at the café outside campus at 5.” Jiwoo saw Jungeun blush, really obvious.  
            “I was trying to study here. Can you not pair me up with someone?”  
            “You’re even blushing! You like it!”  
            “I’m not, god!”  
            She somehow hates it. _Somehow._

They both sat in silence. There was a light drizzle outside, and the soft sound of the pouring rain served as their background music. A comfortable silence enveloped them in. Was it because of the heat? They both have no idea.  
            Two cups with cold coffee sat in front of them. Jungeun finally took a sip, untangling her jittery fingers from each other.  
            _Cold._ Colder than the vibe Jinsol was emitting. She couldn’t actually say Jinsol was cold, right? Given that they’re soulmates.  
            “Jungeun.”  
            “Yeah?”  
            “Relax,” Jinsol held her hand.  
            Jungeun really hate it.  
            “Can you let me breathe for awhile? It kinda burns, you know,” Jinsol chuckled. Jungeun felt her heart melted. If this is how it feels like to have your soulmate, then Jungeun is willing to go for it.  
            Jungeun mentally hit herself. Yeah? What happened to not letting Jinsol in her life?  
            Jinsol smiled, sweetly, and Jungeun almost decided to give herself up. Why is this girl single?  
            Oh, because Jungeun hates soulmates.  
            Jungeun felt soft lips on top of hers, it was for a short moment, but Jungeun felt out of breath. Her eyes opened wide, this time she was the one who couldn’t move. Jinsol stayed just a few millimeters away from Jungeun, her lips forming a small smile, her eyes like half a moon, she was just as surprised as Jungeun as she kissed the younger.  
            “Y-you have such pretty eyes,” Jungeun said, stuttering as she tried to gain her composure. With that, Jinsol let out a small giggle.  
           “So do you,” Jinsol replied, sitting comfortably on her seat after having to pin her arms on the table. “See? You calmed down,” she said, confidence vivid in her voice.  
            She was right, was on Jungeun’s mind. But now she didn’t know how warm it feels like, she thought she was going to combust. It wasn’t too hot to feel a painful tug at her heart, but it was too warm it was like her heart was wrapped around someone else’s arms.  
            How could she hate this?  
            “Will you not run away now?” Jinsol said after some time, tilting her head just a bit, like a puppy. _Adorable._ Jungeun did not say anything. She just stared at Jinsol, surprise still clear on her face.  
            “Why did you do that?” Jungeun asked, trying not to stammer. The blonde looking all confident wasn’t helping Jungeun’s self-esteem either. She has _that_ impact to Jungeun.  
            “You mean the kiss?”  
            “No and yes, including that,” Jungeun’s face was crimson red.  
            “I did that to stop you from overthinking.”  
            “So you mean you could feel it?”  
            “I can feel the heat? Yes.”  
            “Then why did you not tell me?” Jinsol focused on Jungeun’s eyes.  
            “I can feel it, yeah? And it’s not me who you wanted to be with.”

Jungeun was done listening to Jinsol. Now her heart feels heavier but emptier at the same time. What should she even feel? So, this is how it feels like to meet your soulmate. Great.  
            She felt a buzz on her pocket, signaling a message. She hesitated, but she ended up looking at it, stopping near a light post. “Let’s go somewhere with Sooyoung tomorrow,” it read. It was from Hyunjin, much to Jungeun’s annoyance. She quickly blocked the sender’s Kakao Talk ID.  
            She won’t be entertaining anything related to Jinsol that night.  
            Jungeun could still feel Jinsol somewhere, and she hated it. But the thought of hating it burns her. She felt stupid. So what if it wasn’t her that Jungeun wanted to be with? Didn’t Jinsol know it was just like she was playing with Jungeun’s feelings?  
            And now she was asking why Jungeun wanted to run away from her? She was really out there ruining Jungeun and Heejin’s relationship only to play with her feelings. Wow. Jungeun walked briskly, not minding how long it’ll take her to get home. A few stores closing up around her, she was thankful there were still some who haven’t closed theirs or it’d be darker.  
            The moon was full that night. She hated it. It reminded her of how long she stayed at a café only to get that answer.

 _“I saw you first at the restaurant. You were with Heejin. I knew it was you immediately. I had a gut feeling it was you,” Jinsol chuckled, playing with the strings of her hoodie._  
            “Hyunjin set me up with a guy, so I ditched him then. I searched for you but you were nowhere.”  
            “I kept on searching for you then. I just didn’t have much time. I just moved here with Hyunjin this year, I needed to fix a lot of things and also my part time job.”  
            “When I found you I thought I’d talk to you, but you felt really sad.”  
            “I overheard you once. With Hyunjin. At the park. You thought Hyunjin was your soulmate, you said you wanted her out of your life.”  
            “I thought I’d just look at you from afar. One time I accidentally saw you inside a bar… When they nearly got you… I was watching you long before it happened. I thought you could handle them.”  
            “Sorry. You must be scared. I wanted to protect you since then, but since you really hated the thought of being with your soulmate, I’ll keep my distance,” Jinsol finished; she tried to search Jungeun’s eyes for any emotions.  
            She got none.  
            Instead, the brunette asked her one question. Jungeun made up her mind in a flash. It’s dangerous, but she can’t help herself falling.  
            “Do you like me?”

She grunted, loudly. A few passersby gave her a look but she didn’t care about anything else right now. Her mind was clouded with one emotion: anger. Did Jinsol just really played with Jungeun? Thank the Heavens she wasn’t that deep yet.  
            “Can you walk properly?!” A woman shouted at her. She brushed her coat off like Jungeun was some bacteria. Jungeun was suddenly aware of her surroundings now.   
            “No?!” The woman yelled again. Jungeun bowed down, apologizing softly, her eyes starting to water. The woman groaned at her, then left.  
            It was just then when Jungeun let herself breakdown right at the middle of the pavement. _No._

            _“Do you like me?” Jungeun asked, voice was still like a rock. She could see Jinsol biting her lip, her confidence finally went down._  
            “No.”  
            She never felt so unwanted in her whole life.

“Leave me alone.”  
            Jiwoo barely managed to get her stuffs out of her shared room with Jungeun when her best friend’s surprisingly cold voice scared her. Vivi closed the door abruptly after, seeing only a glimpse of the younger’s back before she tugged Jiwoo out.  
            Vivi was thinking Jiwoo made a mistake or something, because she never saw Jungeun like that. Sure, she couldn’t talk to Jungeun when she was heartbroken over Heejin, but that was because she didn’t think she could say something good. _Now,_ however, no one can even go near her because she was actually mad.  
            “What did you _do_?” Vivi whispered, putting stress on the last word. She went to her own room, pushing the door open as Jiwoo went inside to put her books and bag. She sighed, exaggeratedly, grunting afterwards when her eyes landed on her books.  
            “Nothing! I swear I did nothing! I just set her up with Jinsol–”  
            “No way.”  
            “Yes, I did. And when she came back she just gave that aura and when I tried to ask she said leave her alone like, gosh, what happened?” Jiwoo said quickly, trying to prove that she didn’t do anything. Vivi rolled her eyes.  
            “Goodness, Jiwoo. You’re good at digging your own grave.”  
            “What?!”  
            “They finally talked, that’s what happened!”

“I said leave me alo–”  
            “And let me sleep at the living room? There’s no heater there, it’s too cold!” Jungeun hastily turned around, facing a brunette girl with one big bun on top of her head.

            “Yeojin?” Jungeun asked; surprise evident on her face.  
            “Yes. Now if you don’t mind, I got an essay due tomorrow so please shut up,” Yeojin said, sitting on the bottom bunk bed.  
            “When did you get here? Why?” Jungeun couldn’t believe Yeojin was there, right at the bottom of her bed, sitting. Was she supposed to be here? It’s not like it was winter break already, right?  
            “About 30 minutes before you came, I was at the kitchen with Sooyoung. Mom and dad will be gone till next week Monday, business stuff. It’s not like I can sleep with Yerim or Hyejoo, can I?”  
            “Why not? You’re literally friends since forever.”  
            “Gosh, Jungeun. I’ll be there for more than a week! I still have my respects for their parents.”  
            “Oh, you’re respectful? I didn’t know that,” Jungeun felt a fist hitting her head.  
            “Wow, you can reach me?”  
            “Oh come on!”

She laid down staring endlessly at the ceiling. Surprisingly, she wasn’t crying, Yeojin definitely helped her calm down. But it was 12, she still couldn’t sleep. The sound of Yeojin silently whispering could lull her to sleep, but she found herself silently waiting for Yeojin to talk to her.  
            “Just turn him down!”  
            Jungeun shifted, leaning onto the railing to take a peek at Yeojin. The girl was lying down on her stomach, facing her phone, two girls visible on the screen, a pile of scratch papers on her surrounding and her laptop open in front of her.  
            “Listen, Yerim, I know this famous gossip, it’s true. Just turn him down!” Yeojin loudly whispered again, as if trying to scold someone on the phone.  
            “You know so much, it’s scary,” Jungeun heard Hyejoo say. Yeojin moved, biting her pen to fix her hair, now turned into a ponytail. She went to took her pen and point it in front of her phone.  
            “What if he’s nice?” Yerim said, obviously down. Yeojin grunted.  
            “Just turn him down!” Yeojin said again, her voice getting louder and louder.  
            “Turn who down?” Jungeun butted in, and Yeojin almost fell down, turning off the call and focusing on her laptop suddenly. Yeojin chuckled hesitantly.  
            “I won’t tell Haseul,” Jungeun said, climbing down to sit on the floor right near Yeojin. The younger grinned at her, fixing her notes and closing her laptop before facing Jungeun properly, ready to tell her story.  
            “So there’s this guy Yerim likes, but she feels her heart beating fast when he’s near. And there’s this thing I heard before, so I kept on warning Yerim but she just won’t listen! So I told Hyejoo to convince Yerim but she’s clowning me! If Yerim ends up crying it ain’t my fault.” Yeojin narrated, her hands flying everywhere as she told the story. She ended up panting, tired of talking. Jungeun, however, was confused. She remembered Heejin.  
            “What stuff did you hear again?” Jungeun asked, hugging her own knees.  
            “Oh, haven’t you heard of it? You’ll feel your heart beat faster when the person you like will hurt you.” And then it hit Jungeun.  
            _Heejin._  
            She softly replied to Yeojin, hugging herself tighter.  
            “I… guess you should talk to Yerim…”  
            “See?! Yeehaw!”


	5. v.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinsol would give anything to Jungeun… But Jungeun can’t fully let her in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was smiling the whole time i wrote this divheiruhr

Jungeun lazily fixed her hair, grabbed her coat, her books, and her bag. She went silently to the bus stop, not feeling like walking to campus. And she spent the rest of the day alone, absentmindedly going home alone.  
            Jungeun spent her days like this, each day the cold slowly eating her. She’d feel Jinsol near, but she doesn’t know what to do. Should she approach her? Jungeun was confused, this was what she wanted, her original plan: for Jinsol to leave her alone. But now that she’s alone, why does she feel like she’d lost something?  
            For days, Jinsol kept on trying to approach Jungeun, hesitating. She’d leave after watching from afar. Until she stopped.  
            Jungeun sighed.   
            “Are you really going to continue doing that?” Jungeun turned around, facing Haseul who just entered her room, but looking away immediately. “Aren’t you going to talk to her? I sort of thought you’d keep her.”  
            “I don’t know,” Jungeun mumbled, unsure of what to say. “How did you know?”  
            “Know what? That you like her?” Jungeun’s stomach flipped, like she heard something wrong. It was obvious she looked off. Haseul smiled at her genuinely, softly putting her hand atop Jungeun’s.  
           “You’re acting like that, silly. Even Sooyoung knows. Vivi told me awhile ago before I talked to you; I think she thinks I don’t know,” Haseul said, squeezing Jungeun’s hand.  
            “I know the past few weeks have been stressful, given our finals nearing. But hey, it’s gonna be fine. Relax.”  
            “She doesn’t even like me.”  
            Haseul looked at her, stunned. “How can she not like you? Come on, Jungeun.”  
            “She told me.”  
            “Sweetie…” Haseul turned her body to hug Jungeun, the younger started to tremble, cowering in Haseul’s embrace.  
            “I feel so unwanted, Haseul. So unwanted.”  
            “I feel like it’s all coming back to me because I tried to avoid it and now even Jinsol is giving up on me.”  
            Funny Jungeun was saying all this now. If you’d ask Jungeun a few months ago, she’d say she would do anything just for her soulmate to never show up in front of her ever. Sure, it was cold, but it’s better than losing yourself as you lose your soulmate. Like her mom. She’d never. She swore, but here she is now.  
            “Everyone’s just giving up on me.”  
            Haseul was shaken by that, it was too much. She pulled Jungeun away, the taller was sobbing uncontrollably and her eyes couldn’t be seen anymore. Haseul gently pushed away the hair that sat stuck on Jungeun’s face, placing her forehead against Jungeun’s.  
            “You’re wanted, okay? I love you, we love you, sweetie. We’re not giving up on you; you’re not at fault at anything, alright honey?” Haseul whispered; her sweet voice calming down Jungeun’s uneven breathing. The older went to plant a soft kiss on Jungeun’s forehead, making it a little longer.  
            _Jungeun has lost the meaning and importance of love, but Haseul will forever be there._

Jungeun was walking alone in the middle of a winter night, the moon shining ever so brightly… and she was drunk. After a week of suffering through hell, they all finally reached winter break and were free for two weeks. Jungeun decided to go out for a drink alone even though her friends all tried to stop her. They let her anyway, but Sooyoung and Haseul were following her. They were worried about Jungeun.  
            And now, Jungeun was alone, just outside the bar, with tears slowly flowing down her cheeks. The surroundings were quiet except for the eerily blowing sound the wind was making. A few trees covered in snow standing still around her. Little to no cars was passing by, and almost all of the stores near her were closed.  
            _Creepy._  
            But nothing would scare Jungeun when she’s drunk, except one: a man staring at her. Unfortunately for Jungeun, there was one. Jungeun thought he stood right at the front door of one of the closed stores; too dark for Sooyoung and Haseul and even Jungeun to see behind a tree but too obvious for Jungeun to feel. She hugged herself, suddenly feeling stupid of what she was thinking.  
            _Jinsol._  
            Jungeun could feel Jinsol somewhere, and it was crazy. She’ll go back on finding her when she’s done dealing with the creepy man. Jungeun’s tears continued to flow softly, too scared. She heard footsteps, and Jungeun could feel her hair rising. The cold wind blew again, and Jungeun hugged herself tighter. Would she even find Jinsol before the night?  
            Jungeun held her pepper spray on her right hand, ready to aim at the man. Someone touched her shoulders, and Jungeun sprayed her pepper spray even before looking, aiming for the eyes. A loud scream startled Jungeun, forcing her to open her eyes, as someone grabbed her arm.  
            “ _J-Jinsol?_ ” Jungeun asked, she couldn’t believe what she just did. She felt herself sober up as she turned pale upon looking at the girl cowering in front of her. “Oh my god, oh my, shit, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Let me get you home, I’m sorry, oh my god!” Jungeun added after realizing Jinsol was the one she attacked. She quickly squatted down in front of Jinsol, forcing the older to stop touching her eyes.  
            Haseul immediately hit Sooyoung’s shoulder when she didn’t budge, going after Jungeun to help Jinsol stand up. Sooyoung just walked towards Jungeun, making a face at her.  
            “Shut up and help me or I’ll spray this to you!”

“Why did you spray on Jinsol?” Sooyoung asked, concerned now because Jinsol was curled on Jiwoo’s bed like a ball. Haseul was helping her wash her hands and face with a small towel.  
            “I thought she was someone else, I swear I didn’t know it was her.”  
            “And it’s not because you hate her?”  
            “I don’t _hate_ her.”  
            “Then you like her.”  
            Jungeun threw Sooyoung death glares as the older smirked. She instead went to go by Jinsol’s side, stopping Haseul’s hand.  
            “Are you sure?” Haseul said, already standing and cleaning what she used.  
            “Yep, I’ll take care of her. Just go to sleep. Tell Jiwoo I’m sorry, she can just change her room and sleep at Vivi’s if she’d like,” Jungeun told Haseul, smiling a little. After Haseul gave her a sweet smile, she turned her look at Jinsol, who still couldn’t see properly. She gently nudged Jinsol, pursing her lips before speaking.  
            “Can you walk?” Jungeun started, whispering. It’s been around 30 minutes since the accident happened, and Jinsol was starting to calm down, it was just her eyes occasionally getting watery.  
            Jinsol smiled, a sweet one, with her eyes closed. Jungeun swore she could’ve melted. Without wasting another second, Jinsol pulled Jungeun into a hug.  
            “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to lose you, Jungeun,” Jinsol said, her voice cracking. Jungeun felt like crying, her heart feeling a lot of emotions it was piling up and she’s slowly becoming overwhelmed.  
            _How can someone just continuously fall in love like there’s no end?_  
            “I thought you’d stay if I said no. I thought you wouldn’t push me away. I thought you didn’t need me,” Jinsol added, her voice sounded of pure regret. Her hug becoming tighter and Jungeun felt her chest becoming warmer; she couldn’t do anything but to hug back, burying her face on Jinsol’s blonde locks.  
            “I’m sorry I hurt you,” Jinsol breathed right on Jungeun’s ears. The younger shook her head, repeatedly, her eyes shut tight, her breathing heavy.  
            “I’m sorry, don’t say that. You’re just hurting me. Don’t say anything, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. If I could turn back time, I’d prevent it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jinsol. I’m not the best with anything, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m your soulmate. I’m sorry. You wasted your time with me. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry all I did was to hurt you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Jinsol. I’m sorry–” Jungeun felt a light kiss on the top of her head, her cries became louder.  
            “It’s okay, Jungeun. It is.”  
            Jungeun spent the rest of the night watching over Jinsol after the older washed up.

Jungeun woke up with the sun hitting her face, her neck aching because of sleeping in the chair all night. The first thing she looked for was the girl in front of her, Jinsol. Scared that the older was going to disappear and that last night was just her dream.  
            How can you start loving someone with just a few smiles and kisses?  
            Jungeun stood up, hesitated for awhile, but went to plant a soft kiss on top of Jinsol’s head. Feeling satisfied, she went out to wash up for a bit.  
            Did she really fall for Jinsol? She remembered the girl’s sweet fragrant the first time they met, the sweet and innocent smiles the older always gave her, how warm her hugs were… The moment Jinsol told her she’s enough.  
            It wasn’t hard to fall for Jinsol, but Jungeun was scared. What if things went wrong? What if she’d fail Jinsol? What if it’d just turn out just like how it turned out with Heejin, but worse? What will happen to her if Jinsol suddenly said she likes someone else? Someone _better_ that her. There’s always someone better than her. There’s always a flaw if it’s her, Jungeun’s sure Jinsol would find someone better than her. What if Jinsol just slowly got tired of her? What if she’s too much? Too needy? Too boring? What if she’s just not the right person for it? What if she got tired of trying to understand Jungeun? Oh, _Jungeun doesn’t think she could handle that._   
            She quickly wiped a stray tear on her cheek, focusing on cooking their breakfast. It was just then when she noticed her rapid breathing, like she ran a mile after being chased for awhile. She turned the stove off, setting the fried rice aside and sitting on the floor. Not that she cared about her that anyway. It was her heart that needed attention, not her clothes.  
            Was Jungeun ready to meet Jinsol halfway this maze and take down the walls she built or would she end up hiding away until Jinsol finds her?  
            She’s scared.  
            She took a long, deep, shaky breath, releasing all the pent up frustrations and emotions at once.  
            Jungeun thought it’s too dangerous to just let her own self give up when she spent her whole life keeping everyone away from her. Why would she let in a complete stranger into her life because that person is her soulmate?  
            “It’s weird but that’s how it is, Jungeun.” Jungeun spared a glance at the newcomer, rushing to wipe her tears. “Sooyoung,” embarrassed of herself, she tried to look at everything else but the older.  
            “It’s crazy but you know she’s tied to you and so are you to her. You can’t change that,” Sooyoung added when Jungeun didn’t acknowledge her words. She stood by the fridge, munching on some hotdog she took before speaking to Jungeun.  
            Jungeun didn’t move, or dared to look at Sooyoung. It was embarrassing. Jungeun had the least history with Sooyoung in her group of friends. Sooyoung and she never really talked alone about anything serious, especially when Jungeun was down or crying. Nevertheless, Sooyoung took this opportunity to be a bit closer to Jungeun, a bit closer to Jungeun’s heart. Sooyoung bit her lips, and decided to sit beside Jungeun on the floor. She left a small gap, though, indicating to Jungeun that she can still leave whenever she wanted. Jungeun didn’t.  
            “It took time for Haseul and I to not be awkward with it.” Jungeun snorted, and Sooyoung chuckled, glad she could at least see that side of Jungeun. She sighed after some time, pinning her arms on the floor to move closer to Jungeun, slowly.  
            “Don’t let your mind ruin it. You met her; you finally got to be with each other. Jungeun, it will be fine.” They both didn’t say anything for awhile, and then Jungeun looked at Sooyoung, eyes filled with tears.  
            “I don’t want to love her if I’m only going to lose her,” Jungeun said, tearing her gaze away from Sooyoung, who spread her arms wide enough to invite Jungeun into a warm hug. Jungeun leaned onto her, covering her face.  
            “You have us, Jungeun. _Please don’t forget that_.”

“Can I go closer?” Jinsol asked, quite obvious she was hesitating. But she said it anyways, fingers tapping into her lap in a frenzy manner, her eyes turning to look at the gap between them and the seemingly lifeless table, her lips getting chapped as she kept on biting and licking it.  
            She really wasn’t expecting this point. Jinsol thought she’d just leave Jungeun, getting herself used to the cold that embraces her more than ever. She didn’t think of following Jungeun at the bar and getting sprayed by a pepper spray and then sleeping at Jungeun and _then_ apparently confessing to Jungeun that she lied to the other’s every question about soulmates just because she’s afraid Jungeun would push her away. Most importantly, Jinsol didn’t expect this moment to happen: wearing Jungeun’s clothes while sitting on Jiwoo’s bed and being more than a foot away from the other _while_ the awkward atmosphere was thickening.  
            Jungeun cleared her throat, but the sound she produced was a lot quieter than she expected her voice would be. She nodded slowly, not really knowing what to say. Jinsol moved a little, still leaving a gap between them, probably two wide-spread hands.  
            “Are you...okay? Nothing hurts anymore?” Jungeun started, figuring she should at least check how the girl she accidentally sprayed a pepper spray onto was doing. She glanced at Jinsol, earning a small smile from the other.  
            “I’m fine. Nothing hurts.”   
            “Good.”  
            “Good.”  
            Another awkward silence reigned over them and Jungeun felt stupid for not knowing what to say. Jinsol’s lips looked chapped more than ever.  
            _Nothing hurts but please stop thinking bad about me._  
            “Does it hurt?” Jungeun asked, her voice scratchy. She let Jinsol think of what she meant, giving herself time to think of her next move when Jinsol looked puzzled.  
            “I said..nothing…?” Jinsol replied, her eyebrows slightly slanting, and with her innocent voice, Jungeun wanted to curse herself. Of course, it hurt. If it pained her so much, how much did it burn for Jinsol?

            “How much did it burn?” Jungeun shifted, not really sure why she was asking that. Was she ready for anything? For letting Jinsol completely in her life? Just by the thought of it, Jungeun wanted to shrink and never show up in front of Jinsol again.  
            _I don’t want to love her if I’m only going to lose her._ Jungeun wasn’t sure why she said those words, simple but heavy. Jungeun tried to mentally shake herself, wanting to get rid of thoughts like losing Jinsol when they’re not even a thing yet.  
            Yet.  
            “I’m not pushing you, Jungeun,” Jinsol searched for the smaller’s eyes. She found them glistening, whether it’s because of the soft sunbeam slightly hitting Jungeun or from the tears daring to escape, Jinsol didn’t know. What she only knew was that she could see her world in Jungeun’s eyes.  
            Jungeun was Jinsol’s happiness, and she’s ready to surrender herself to protect the other, even if it means living alone unlike what they were meant to be.  
            Jinsol gently placed her hand on Jungeun’s shoulder, and Jungeun couldn’t control herself from tearing up.  
            Jungeun had never felt someone like Jinsol ever in her life, and she’s afraid.  
            “You don’t have to do it, okay?” Jinsol whispered, moving a bit to be able to go by Jungeun’s side, and then prompting the brunette to lean her head on her shoulder. Jungeun shifted again, trying to make herself comfortable with Jinsol. She quietly let her tears fall, not bothering to wipe them of prevent them from falling.  
            “You don’t like it, I won’t push you. You hate something; I’ll do anything to prevent it. You tell me anything, I’ll keep it a secret. Tell me to stop following you around–” Jinsol smiled.  
            She felt hot liquid pouring on her cheeks, could taste the sweet strawberry of Jungeun’s chapstick, and could smell Jungeun’s soft perfume. Jungeun kissed her, cutting her off again. It’s not like Jinsol didn’t like it, though. Jungeun’s one arm went around Jinsol’s wait while the other held the bed for support. Jinsol moved her hands to cup Jungeun’s face and to help Jungeun while she stood just above her, their kiss heating up. Her small smile eventually grew, and she ended up grinning while reciprocating Jungeun’s emotions.  
            Jinsol knew what Jungeun meant, what Jungeun felt, and what Jungeun would want. She stayed quiet, letting Jungeun know that she respected the brunette’s feelings.  
            When Jungeun let go, she stared for a while on Jinsol’s eyes, and Jinsol took the opportunity to wipe Jungeun’s tears away, a new feeling soothing Jungeun. She couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was exactly, but she knew it was something Jungeun wouldn’t get tired of. Jungeun slowly went back to her seat next to Jinsol, leaning her head against the taller’s shoulder.  
            “It hurts more when I see you sad, and I always see you sad.”  
            “I’ll be waiting,” Jinsol said, her eyes twinkling like the stars at night while sparing a glance at Jungeun every now and then. Jungeun eyed her, her lips forming a small curve upwards.  
            Awhile ago, you could see tears streaming down her cheeks. That day, however, it was like Jinsol had opened a key to Jungeun’s heart. She didn’t know what she did, and she never expected herself to be able to do that.  
            For once, their hearts were calm and smiles could be seen on their faces.

It didn’t last.  
            That night, Jungeun was alone again, and she held her pillow to sleep, wondering what Heejin was meant to do in her life.

Jungeun was glad Jinsol was willing to be there for her, but something was still bothering her. A case long lost in the swarm of memories, hidden, not remembered. Jungeun traced the intricate design of the memorial, staring at the pictures of her when she was a kid.  
            “I had a great girlfriend, dad.” Jungeun started talking, biting her lower lip.  
            “But we didn’t last,” she chuckled, trying to stop herself from getting emotional.  
            “She liked someone else. I wasn’t enough for her, apparently.”  
            “I thought we were the best,” she looked up, her tears daring to escape her eyes.  
            “But she still liked someone else. And I pushed myself to believe it was the fault of someone else when she never did anything to me, dad.”  
            “I blamed that person for me and my ex’s breakup, I hurt her a lot of times now, I clearly expressed I hated her.”  
           “But even if those happened, why can’t I push her out of my life?” Jungeun hugged herself tightly, then.  
            “I can’t let her totally in my life, either.”  
            “Dad, how did you feel when you found mom?”  
            “I wish you could tell me what to do. Right now, I just really want to hide and forget everything.”  
            “I miss you. Both you and mom.”  
            “Help me forgive Heejin. Let me know what to do with Jinsol. Help me forgive mom. Please, please guide mom.”  
            “Let me know the meaning of love.”

Jungeun tied her scarf a little lower as she walked back to the bus station, not minding the cold breeze and letting it hit her face. It was snowing, thankfully, it wasn’t heavy. The night was cold and a few stars could be seen on the sky. Jungeun spent her day on the memorial, reminiscing memories of her dad. When she noticed the time, it was already 7pm.  
            She didn’t saw her mom visit, and Jungeun didn’t know what to feel. Happy? Sad? She didn’t care.  
            The December night didn’t bother Jungeun, nor how frightening the surrounding was. Jungeun just continued to walk, hoping to reach the bus stop faster. She’s grateful her face hasn’t froze yet, with her occasional tears flowing. She couldn’t control it; she just needed to let it out. She missed her dad, she wished he’d come back and tell her he loves her like how he used to do before. That whenever she feels like the world was against her, her dad was always there, ready to lift her mood up and stay by her side until forever.  
            He didn’t stay, though. He left early. And so did her mom. She didn’t really left the world, but she abandoned Jungeun like she was dirty, or useless. That Jungeun felt like her dad and her mom couldn’t take it. She hated Jungeun, her mind fixed that her daughter was just another mouth to feed. Her mom threw everything away when Jungeun’s dad left.  
            She’s nearly crazy. She couldn’t deal with the loss well.  
            Jungeun’s afraid of it.  
            Just by remembering her mom and dad, she couldn’t force herself no to cry. She didn’t want to become like her mom, pushing everyone alone because she lost her soulmate, that’s why she ended up telling herself she’d love anyone except her soulmate.  
            Jungeun knew it wasn’t going to work. Jungeun knew what she did to herself. Jungeun knew she’s almost like her mom.  
            She slowly stopped walking, looking up at the moon shining brightly above her.  
            It reminded her of that night, when she kissed Jinsol first time.  
            Alone, she was almost like her mom. And she wanted to change it.  
            She wanted to be worthy of Jinsol’s love.  
            The cold breeze hit Jungeun again, colder this time, reminding her of her days without Jinsol. She was used to it, letting the cold embrace her like it was her mother ready to pamper her and comfort her during her lonely days. It was nothing to her before, letting it engulf her and lull her to sleep. The cold used to be one with Jungeun.  
            But she remembered Jinsol’s warm touch, her sweet, innocent but powerful voice, her sweet scent… the way Jinsol was always there for her, the way Jinsol was never mad at her, the way Jinsol always smiled so sweetly even when Jungeun had hurt her, the way Jinsol felt like the missing piece of her life. The way Jinsol felt like Jungeun’s father, never leaving Jungeun the moment they laid their eyes on her.  
            Jungeun could never ignore how Jinsol feels like.  
            So she ran. She let her feet take her to wherever it wanted to go. She let her instincts decide this time, letting go of the doubts that always surrounded her. The what ifs, the insecurities, the useless promise she said to herself.  
            Jungeun realized one thing: she had never felt the desire for the warmth so bad it started to hurt her. It hurt her knowing she’s the one who constantly caused pain on Jinsol. It broke her just as much as it broke her when her father left. As if she was the reason of everything, she blamed herself again.  
            Jungeun was sure she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she hurt Jinsol one more time.  
            Her feet hurt; she wanted to reach Jinsol fast. It seemed like forever to reach the bus stop. She just wanted to be with Jinsol’s arms. She wanted to hug Jinsol so tight. She wanted to just keep Jinsol near her and show the blonde how sorry she was.  
            Lastly, she wanted to find Haseul and her friends. Jungeun wanted to apologize for neglecting them.  
            Maybe Jungeun finally got tired of hiding from everyone.  
            Her phone buzzed, stopping her from her uncontrollable sobbing and running. It was Jinsol. She quickly answered it, wanting to just hear Jinsol.  
            “Hi, Jungeun!” Jungeun sobbed, why did she not appreciate this girl faster?  
            “Are you crying? Hey, want me to come over?” Jungeun couldn’t control herself, she just sobbed, gulping once in hopes to gain control over herself.  
            “Where are you?” She managed to mutter, not answering any of Jinsol’s questions.  
            “I’m just at home, but I’ll come over. Wait for me, okay?” Jungeun heard Jinsol say, and Jungeun didn’t waste any second of her time.  
            “Just stay there.”


	6. vi. uncover me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungeun finally lets Jinsol in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: heart is dying. My favorite :(

What Jinsol really wanted was just to make sure Jungeun’s safe, anywhere and everywhere and whenever Jinsol sees Jungeun. Nothing more. Of course, it hurt a little. She could still remember Jungeun’s face on that park where she followed Jungeun to. Jinsol was sure to herself she’d never forget how tight Jungeun grabbed Hyunjin’s collar and almost harmed the younger if Hyunjin hadn’t only told Jungeun to calm down.  
            Most of all, the way Jungeun spat out her knifelike words about soulmates to Hyunjin. Jinsol was sure to hell she’d never cross her line. Taking care of Jungeun was Jinsol’s objective, nothing more, nothing less. That was, if Jungeun wanted it that way.  
            Honestly, it wasn’t in Jinsol’s goals. She just accidentally found Jungeun on a blind date with a random guy Hyunjin set up for her. The moment Jinsol entered the restaurant, she roamed her eyes around in hopes to find the guy she intended to meet, but her eyes locked with a brown-haired girl’s eyes for a moment. _Jungeun._ The girl was frantic, in search of someone, but Jinsol wasn’t really sure about what she was feeling then. When Jungeun left, Jinsol felt the heat gradually left too.  
            That was when Jinsol knew. And then, as if it were fated, Jinsol kept sensing Jungeun around, most of the time when Hyunjin was with her so Jinsol thought she’d just keep on following Hyunjin around. One time, at the bus stop, Jinsol found Jungeun. But they didn’t talk; it was as if Jungeun didn’t saw her. She kept chasing after Jungeun to keep her safe and happy. Jinsol knew something was wrong with Jungeun, judging by the way the smaller felt, until she finally properly met the girl.  
            She saw Jungeun alone, she watched until some guys tried to do something to Jungeun, and when she figured she couldn’t take it anymore, she interfered.  
            Jungeun never recognized her.  
            Fine, Jinsol thought. Easier, so she won’t think I’m creepy.  
            But then she slowly became closer to Jungeun, and Jinsol couldn’t deny what she was feeling inside her heart. She felt stupid. So when the time came Jungeun finally talked to her after awhile, and Jungeun asked her about what she felt towards Jungeun, she denied it.  
            She swore she’d do anything in order to keep Jungeun with her.  
            Figuring Jungeun wasn’t easy to Jinsol, but she did her best to do what she thought was right. Jinsol could compare Jungeun to a puzzle, a thousand-piece puzzle, hard to figure out what is what, one wrong move and everything would only look weird.  
            Jungeun was also like an ever so changing maze, with walls so tall and traps inside, you could never find a way out unless you stay alert forever. Jinsol almost backed out, but the way back was unreachable, Jinsol found herself too deep into the maze to even try to find the way to the start. Jinsol was lost.  
            Jungeun could be correlated to the Sun trying to hide away on the clouds. It hurt Jinsol looking at her, trying to find her, but it gave Jinsol the best feeling she could ever ask for. Seeing Jungeun made Jinsol happy, even if it hurt her. Jinsol was late; she realized she was too deep. Too deep she’d never want Jungeun away.  
            And it was hard. Jinsol didn’t know Jungeun would hate her even more. Just when Jinsol was giving up the whole soulmate situation and even her feelings regarding Jungeun, the other went the other way around. It confused the hell out of Jinsol, she didn’t know what to do. But one thing’s for sure: she’d be there waiting anytime for Jungeun, for whatever Jungeun wanted.  
            A fool for Jungeun.  
            Jungeun’s kisses were heaven to Jinsol. But she respected Jungeun, not wanting the girl away from her like how Jungeun always tried to do. She just wanted to be able to reach Jungeun without the other literally hiding as if they were playing hide and seek and Jinsol had to figure out which way Jungeun went.  
            Now that Jungeun admitted to wanting Jinsol, though, Jinsol felt like she could breathe, a lot easier, a lot comfortable, a lot happier now. She waited for this moment. And if you asked her, she’d redo it over and over again. If Jungeun’s at the end, then she’d do it again.

Both of them technically never imagined this to happen.  
            Now, Jungeun stood uneasy by Jinsol’s side, her legs actually aching from all the walking and running she did, but she knew she had to stay standing in order to please _someone_ who was standing just at the opening of the apartment. She fidgeted, and Jinsol held her on her waist. She looked up apologetically.  
            “Not to be that person but I really think you’re stupid,” Hyunjin told them, Jungeun specifically, because currently it looked like Jungeun’s a mess; with her sling bag literally hanging half-open, her clothes especially her coat so disheveled, her slight makeup obviously messed up and her hair screaming chaos, ragged. Jungeun felt conscious with that comment, instantly trying to fix herself. Hyunjin rolled her eyes.  
            “I’m sorry, I really wasn’t thinking straight that time, but you’re not blocked anymore!” Jungeun exclaimed after awhile, still trying to finger comb her tangled hair. Jinsol kept biting her lips, uncomfortable. “And I promise to go out with you… Just schedule when…”  
            “At least fix yourself before barging through someone’s apartment and kissing right on the fucking door,” Hyunjin replied, turning around to move into their living room. “And I didn’t know you were that type, unnie.” Jinsol basically wanted to drown right at that moment, she could even hear Hyunjin smirking and that was _so_ embarrassing. But most of all, Jinsol didn’t really want Hyunjin standing just a few meters from them. She looked at Jungeun instensely.  
            Jungeun blushed, looking away from Jinsol and focusing instead on the shoe rack beside her. She felt Jinsol hold her hand, then, tugging her on some room. Jinsol’s room.  
            Jinsol hugged her the moment they were inside. It was tight, and Jungeun could feel her collar getting wet. She couldn’t help it; she just went for it, hugging Jinsol tighter as if they’d separate any moment. One word said repeatedly, “Sorry.”  
            Jungeun stopped hiding away. Jungeun broke the walls she built. Jungeun let someone in. Jinsol _finally_ found her way.  
            No one could stop Jinsol from crying that time.  
            Only two words were said, sincerely, “Thank you.”

Jungeun and Jinsol lied on their stomach at Jinsol’s bed, their hands intertwined even though they weren’t looking at each other. They were just there, caressing each other’s hands, savoring the moment they both longed for.  
            Jungeun smiled just by thinking of it, a slight giggle coming out from her mouth. When Jinsol heard this, it seemed like her lips had their own mind, immediately smiling wide. One could tell they were genuinely happy.  
            They stayed together like that, cuddled while listening to the soft music Jinsol played before they lied down. When Jungeun thought she had enough of daydreaming about this, she shifted to look carefully at Jinsol, and stared as if trying to absorb that she’s not dreaming right now and Jinsol’s really by her side. Her smile grew even wider.  
            Jinsol noticed this, and turned in order to face Jungeun.  
            _God, I love her so much,_ she automatically thought.  
            Jinsol didn’t even notice admitting what she feels for the brunette. She buried her face under Jungeun’s jaw, seemingly embarrassed about being stared upon at. Her smile just couldn’t leave her face.  
            Jungeun chuckled at this, biting her lower lip and mumbling a soft phrase at Jinsol, “you’re so cute I think I’m dreaming.”  
            “Stop, I might die,” Jinsol breathed, covering her face with her own hair. The last thing she wanted right now was to look like a fool in front of Jungeun. She hugged Jungeun tightly again.  
            “Are you okay?” The blonde asked, and Jungeun could feel her voice vibrate. She nearly cried again; having Jinsol _this_ close to her just feels _so_ good. She swore to the Heavens she’d tattoo this moment in her mind. She’d never forget this.  
            “I’m more than okay,” Jungeun replied, happiness vivid on her tone. “Why?” she added, moving away a little in order to see Jinsol’s face properly.  
            “Nothing. I can hear your heart. It’s… cute?” Jungeun blushed.  
            “Stop it. I think I’ll die.”  
            That time, Jungeun felt so happy and full. Like the days before never even existed. It was like she was reborn into Jinsol’s warm and loving arms and everything’s just okay and nothing would go even a little bit wrong anymore. Because Jinsol was there.  
            Jungeun couldn’t stop falling for Jinsol. And Jinsol swore something’s wrong with her because she couldn’t stop thinking about Jungeun. Not that she hates it, though.  
            The only thing that mattered was that they’re together.

“Frappe? What do you want?” Jinsol asked Jungeun as they were ordering their coffees, a week after their confession to each other. It was an afternoon, a day before Christmas, and even though it was really cold, they still went out to “enjoy the free time they have.” Jinsol was sick of staying into either of their apartments.  
            “Pick whatever you want for me. I need to check something,” Jungeun said in a rush, jogging to the comfort room of the store. Actually, she just needed to ask Vivi and Jiwoo if they already got the package Jungeun was expecting that day. She stayed by the door and after texting Jiwoo, she turned around to meet Jinsol again, but then she instead bumped into a thin girl. She was quick, though, as she held onto the other’s arm to prevent her from falling.  
            What she didn’t realize was who she bumped into. Jungeun was quick to retrieve her hands after doing so, looking down afterwards.  
            “H-Heejin,” Jungeun said nervously, she really wasn’t expecting to see Heejin so soon. But hey, at least she wouldn’t spend her time thinking about how to approach Heejin. She took a glance at the younger’s face, and immediately she knew she didn’t have to hide away from this moment.  
            It didn’t hurt looking at Heejin anymore.  
            Jungeun sighed, meeting Heejin’s eyes.  
            “Hi, Jungeun.”  
            “Can we talk?”

And then Jungeun found herself just at the side of the store, fiddling with her sling bag’s zipper. She was really anxious about this whole thing, talking to Heejin and sorting things out. They both leaned on the wall, and they were a foot away. It was awkward, but Jungeun let Heejin drag her here, so she had to listen to what Heejin was going to say too.  
            “Can we still fix this?” Heejin said, her eyes looking at everywhere but Jungeun. Her thumb pressing on her other hand, Jungeun could tell Heejin was nervous as hell. It was Heejin’s mark. She did it when she’s nervous. So Jungeun then extended her arm to Heejin, letting her arm rest on the top of the younger’s hands. Heejin faced her then, inhaling deeply before talking.  
            “I mean, as friends, you know. I saw the blonde there and you look good together but I’m saying this because I really wanted to say sorry to you and to tell you that I know I was an asshole and that you shouldn’t blame yourself for anything–”  
            “I forgive you.”  
            Jungeun couldn’t believe she said those words herself but she did, with Heejin in her arms. She hugged Heejin tighter when she realized it. She was glad Heejin talked to her first, because she thinks she could never do it. Heejin hugged her back after a few seconds.  
            And then they were smiling. Heejin buried her face on Jungeun’s shoulders.  
            “You’re perfect, Jungeun. And I was blind and stupid for not being able to see that. I hope everything goes well with you from now on, really.”  
            Jungeun sighed, of relief this time, and happiness.  
            “I’m really sorry too,” Jungeun said as they pulled away from each other. She saw Heejin’s eyes shining, teary eyed; her smile sweet, innocent; those pretty choices of piercings; her tied hair; her soft skin. This time, Jungeun wasn’t looking at Heejin because she was in love, but because she was happy of everything; of forgiving Heejin, of finally having that weight on her shoulders lifted.  
            Heejin smiled wider at Jungeun, extending her pinky finger in front of Jungeun.  
            “Friends?”  
            “Friends,” Jungeun chuckled.

When they got back inside, they found Jinsol and Chaewon casually talking to each other. Definitely not what they both expected, but Jungeun was glad.  
            Things were finally working out for Jungeun and she’s more than glad.  
            “Visit us tomorrow?” Jinsol suddenly asked when the four of them suddenly went silent after laughing. Jungeun quickly looked at Jinsol, mouthing where. She wanted to do something with Jinsol, but Jinsol shrugged, pouting.  
            _Yeah, whatever, no use, I’m over, she has my heart._  
            “Oh, sure!” Chaewon nodded, beaming. Heejin approved of the idea, too, raising her thumbs up.  
            _Okay, the more, the merrier._  
            “I’ll call you when we’re ready,” Jungeun replied, raising her eyebrows once and subtly pointed at Jinsol as she grabbed her drink, as if signalizing something to both Heejin and Chaewon. She mouthed the word ‘plan’ to them after. Thankfully, Jinsol was busy finding her phone on her bag, so she wasn’t able to catch any of it. Including the small wink that Heejin made, as if saying she understood Jungeun.  
            “Here, put your numbers on my phone. If Jungeun forgets, I’ll do it,” Jinsol said then, handing out her phone in front of Heejin and Chaewon.  
            Heejin chuckled at Jungeun’s actions.  
            “Thanks,” Jungeun mouthed.

The next day, Jinsol drove early in the morning to Jungeun’s place, with Hyunjin by her side. She tightly hugged Jungeun the moment she saw her, then.  
            “Merry Christmas, did you sleep well?” Jungeun asked when they pulled away and Jinsol pouted in front of her.  
            “Yep,” Jinsol giggled, and Vivi had to fake choke on their side because she was literally grossed out because of the two.  
            “Having Haseul and Sooyoung makes my life crazy and disgusting enough. And now you really had to join them,” she complained, rolling her eyes. Slightly mumbling “when can I get one” as she passed by Hyunjin and Jiwoo talking.  
            “Well? Help me pick a dress for the party later. Also, Haseul’s sister is coming over later with her friends. Help me not get drunk,” Jungeun dragged Jinsol to her room. Now, it was only her inside that room, Jiwoo left because she just spent almost every night sleeping at Vivi’s. So the two of them could just stay there and no one could bother them. They spent their day there, cuddling.  
            While Jungeun and Jinsol were inside, though, Heejin and Chaewon arrived.

Jinsol stood at the kitchen with Yeojin and her friends. They were just eating tteokbokki there, which was fine with the others, as long as Yeojin doesn’t eat everything.  
            She was looking over the living room, watching as the others set up the area to make it more spacious as they had 12 girls in one apartment. As she was doing so, though, Jungeun appeared in all-black outfit Jinsol picked, her hair was loosed, she wore slight makeup and she had her piercings on. She was beautiful. And Yeojin caught Jinsol staring at Jungeun, so she made noise at the back.  
            “Yaaa! Jungeun is so extra this is unfair!” Haseul had to glare at her to stop.  
            Jinsol walked to Hyunjin, who was just standing near her, but still didn’t go near Jungeun. She watched the others talk in circles; the living room fixed now. Jungeun was talking to Heejin, and Jinsol figured out she wouldn’t interrupt Jungeun that time. Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at her.  
            “What are you doing here? Go get your girlfriend,” Jinsol turned her head to face Hyunjin, shocked. And embarrassed. She blinked a few times, pinching Hyunjin’s arms.  
            “We’re not like that, stupid,” Jinsol replied, rolling her eyes. Her voice was even shaking, which was stupid. Why was she embarrassed about that? She could feel herself heating up, and she was just smiling uncontrollably. Okay, not embarrassed, but _in love._  
           “Ms. Jung Jinsol, I want you here.” Suddenly Jinsol was being pushed by her friends to the center, and then the next thing she knew, everyone was yelling while she was just standing awkwardly there. Then, she found Jungeun walking to her.  
            “Hi,” Jungeun said, eyes sparkling.  
            _Now_ Jinsol’s embarrassed.  
            “What’s this?” Jinsol asked, trying to cover herself with her hair. She was starting to walk away but every time she tried to, someone would push her. There was one time she tried to push Hyunjin out of the circle but Hyunjin’s stronger arms pushed her back, making her trip on herself. She should be glad, though, because Jungeun caught her before she even fell, hugging Jinsol a little tighter in case they suddenly fell together.  
            “Stop it, I’m so embarrassed,” Jinsol whispered to Jungeun as Jungeun tried to pull away from the hug. Jinsol just locked her arms around Jungeun’s waist, though, so Jungeun couldn’t get away.  
            Everyone was cheering for them, and it was just causing Jinsol to bury her face on Jungeun’s shoulders even though Jungeun was smaller than her. Finally, Jungeun stopped trying to remove Jinsol from her, and instead rested her arms on Jinsol’s nape.  
            “Hey, I know this is embarrassing and all and that you might think it’s not necessary because we’re soulmates but…” Jungeun said, enough for Jinsol to hear. She motioned for everyone to stay quiet, and then, she took out a small box from her pocket, tapping Jinsol’s arms as if trying to say she should let go for awhile. Surprisingly, Jinsol did, and what she saw just took her breath away.  
            “It’s not really much, but I saw this once and I thought that it looked like the stars combined in a pretty moon like that one night when I first brought you here,” Jungeun chuckled while looking at the ring, still just mumbling so not all of the girls could hear. Then she smiled, and changed her focus from the ring to Jinsol, who was just looking at her fondly.  
            “Accept this ring if you’re willing to be my girlfriend,” Jungeun breathed, shutting her eyes tightly while waiting for Jinsol’s answer. Everything got silent to Jungeun, and no one’s talking. She was getting scared so she took a peek with her one eye, immediately opening both her eyes to look carefully at Jinsol.  
            She was slightly pouting, staring at the ring, and somehow teary eyed. When Jinsol looked up to meet Jungeun’s eyes, she saw Jungeun grinning at her.  
            “Why not?” Jinsol replied, and the rest of the girls cheered as Jinsol hugged Jungeun again, tighter this time. Jungeun could feel her eyes getting wet again. She sniffed, pulling away from Jinsol to put the ring on Jinsol’s finger.

The night got deeper, and some of the adult line already got themselves drunk. The kids were playing some sort of game and Sooyoung was officiating. Everyone was busy, including Jungeun and Sooyoung, who were sitting peacefully next to each other while eating some of the foods they prepared that day. Jinsol couldn’t stop looking at the ring and smiling, and Jungeun couldn’t be happier. She just enjoyed watching over Jinsol’s unwavering smile.  
            “Can I hug you one more time?” Jungeun asked; fondness vivid on her tone. It took her so long to have this, and she still couldn’t believe it.  
            “Why are you asking? I’m your girlfriend,” Jinsol said proudly, flashing a full grin at Jungeun. Jungeun giggled, scooting closer to Jinsol.  
            “I didn’t think you’d like it,” Jungeun told her after awhile of observing her. She gently held Jinsol’s hand in front of her, leaving a swift kiss on top of it. Jinsol beamed at Jungeun, pulling the younger into a hug.  
            “Anything from you, I’d like it, because I like it best when you smile,” Jinsol murmured before pulling away and focusing on her food again.  
            Just like that, Jungeun watched her new story began, this time, with a soothing feeling on her chest and a few cheesy moments with Jinsol. She didn’t hate it, though. Jungeun would never hate how she just automatically welcomes Jinsol so easily in her life, how Jinsol just easily uncover each side of her naturally. Jungeun will never hate it.  
            Jinsol found the password to Jungeun’s heart through entering a dangerous and mysterious maze she never knew and solely following the sensation in her heart and the lips continuously calling for her and pulling her. And Jungeun let her in, as if it would kill her softly if she let Jinsol wander more, letting the taller take her slowly in. Until the end of this world, Jungeun only wanted Jinsol.  
          Did it start from the moment they first saw each other? Or was it even before they knew each other?  
            Jungeun looked affectionately at Jinsol, her heart swelling with joy.  
            “Thank you for finding me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING THIS!! first of all, this au is based on the following songs: uncover, starlight, puzzle, heat and chaotic. i love these songs so much.
> 
> also i'm so thankful my first baby got this much love :(( please do talk to me @kjungeuns on cc and @orbitthefan on twt! i'll be posting different aus next so stay tuned!


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